The Great Breakdown

How does this go? 2 steps forward 1 leap back?

We spoke with Julie the finance officer and she emailed this breakdown of cost. Our insurance covers 50% making us responsible for 50% co-insurance. 

"We will collect a 50% co-insurance deposit up front when your cycle starts. Please keep in mind that this is only an estimate of cost for the treatment based off your benefits.

The estimated cost of this treatment will be as follows (excluding medications):

IVF Deposit   $3700 co-ins                                      

surgery center for egg retrieval       $435.50 co-ins                                   

surgery center for embryo transfer  $583.50 co-ins                                      

ICSI (single sperm injection to create embryo)  $1200.00                                                            

AHA embryo assisted hatching       $550.00                                                

           

Total  $6,469.00 co-ins deposit  Due at time medication is started or first appointment

The anesthesia will be billed  to insurance first.  

Medications are billed and paid to the pharmacy directly.

Additional cost that you may want to consider is Embryo Freezing, $700 (not covered) and includes one year of storage. Storage fee every year after would be $695."

OK great so how do we start the finance process?

"Financing is only available to those who don't use their insurance, we suggest you check with your bank for a personal loan."

We were really counting on the financing option, we just don't have 10k hanging around to drop here.  If we did I'd have remodeled my bathroom already!

We went to our bank, no dice.  I called the credit union through my work.  It looks promising, however like all loans and credit cards they are going to look at our debt as a whole and we are also trying to refinance the house in our names.

There's basically a whole lot of nothing we can do until February, after our taxes are done.  At least we have some numbers to work with though.

Recovery

Mentally

It took me a while to wrap my brain around what happened and figure out how to write this post.
Dr. Potter felt very optimistic that he would save/repair the left side.  He did tell us that there's always a chance that they will find a surprise when they got inside.  My gut told me they were going to have to take both but my heart was stuck on the hope that it would be repaired and I'd have a shot some day at doing this the "normal" way.



When I heard the hospital staff talking outside my room, I thought well this sucks. I knew it.
After I'd fully come out of anesthesia I asked my recovery nurse to make sure I wasn't hearing things.
The nurse confirmed yes and then my loving husband told me the rest.

Dr. Potter met with him while I was sleeping.  When they opened me up the left side was considerably more damaged than the scan had shown.  They preformed another HSG to see where the dye would flood to double check the results.  The left end was completely sealed no dye could pass and it was extremely enlarged, to the point it was translucent.  The right side was able to have some dye go through but it was beyond repair, also being enlarged and blown out.  Imagine blowing up a balloon to the point where you could see though it and its almost about to pop.  If it had been left in there would be a serious risk of ectopic pregnancy and losing it anyway.  My uterus and ovaries look great though.

So this is the hard part, there is no more hope for one day thinking I'm late I might be pregnant or let's try to have another baby.  It will always have to be clinical, calculated, frustrating and Stinking Expensive.  My brain tells me "you couldn't get pregnant with your tubes anyway."  But my heart screams "this isn't fair, I don't want to pay for a child, I just want to be normal."

It took about 4 days to sink in.  There was the Ugly Cry, I sobbed in the dark and my husband rubbed my back and repeated "I understand".

Physically

When we left the hospital it was 3:30.  I slept the whole way home, was put in bed and woke up at 6:30.  Hubby had gone to pick up my meds and left my mom to babysit.  I requested tortilla soup and she delivered.  Funny how mom's are; she made sure I had my robe and slippers, pillows and a step stool to reach my high bed.

There were flowers, magazines and cards.  Lunch and Dinners brought.  Hot cocoa and RUM. Yes, my friends know me well.

My sister made me this amazing basket, it was so beautiful and pink.  I was genuinely touched and started sobbing.  Like uncontrollably. What can I say? It was a rough week.

I had two incisions in my belly button, one right above my pelvic bone and one directly over my right ovary.  They taped me up from here to kingdom come!  Like my entire stomach.  I was told to leave them on until my post op (a FULL week) and to sleep sitting up.  My anesthesiologist told me that they were going to blow up my abdomen with gas and it usually ends up trapped in the shoulders.  He was not kidding.  I had so much pain in my right shoulder it felt like someone was trying to rip my arm off.  What do you do when you cant move your tummy?  You use other parts like your back and arms to maneuver yourself.  Well every time I would move my arm it would shift that bubble and blind me with pain.  At some points I literally screamed.  It was way worse than the actual incisions!

They were just sore and itchy.  My bandages didn't last 9 days, by day 5 I was dying to take them off and let my skin breath.  Hubby used to be a EMT, he got me waterproof bandages and got me all set up so I could take a decent shower (which was Amazing).

When I had my post op Dec 10, Dr. Potter confirmed what happened in surgery and showed me the pictures.  He looked at my incisions, all were healing well but one.  Apparently my body was rejecting the stitches and pushing them back through my skin!  Frankin-stitches. He had to get his tweezers and pull it out!  It didn't hurt but it did freak me out.

He then gave me the A OK to proceed with IVF.  We met with Janet to get our list of meds and made a appointment with the financial person Julie.  We also had both our blood drawn for genetic screening, we will not be screening our embryos.  More big decisions ahead.



Pre Op, Pre Op My Baby

My surgery is officially 10 days away.

I had my pre op today, all things considered it went well.

Every other time we’ve gone the waiting room has been seriously empty.  Not this time, there were at least 4 other couples waiting and several that were slowly filtering out.  It’s hard not to people watch. My appointment was set for 2:50 pm, we sat in the room for just over a hour, I was able to read 2 people mags and play with every app on my phone in the midst of slyly glancing over to check out for lack of a better term “the competition”.   I can’t help wondering what other peoples issues are and at what stage of this whole process they are in.

To our left was a couple, looked like later 30’s, husband looked casual, wife looked totally annoyed. Her body language was terrible, she was turned completely away from him and had the most sour look.  Maybe they had bad news?  Maybe they’ve already been trying for years?
To our right a single woman, looked mid 20’s.  She was in and out pretty quick, I’d say she was there for blood work.

Directly behind us is an older couple.  They look like they came directly out of the 80’s, She a pastel floral dress with big shoulder pads, white Minnie mouse shoes, frizzy perm hair and He Mr. Rogers sweater vest cousin. We couldn’t tell if they were in their 50’s or just had aged terribly and were early 40’s?

On the counter where you sign in there is a candy jar and a sign that asks patients to please consider others at a sensitive time and please do not bring in children.

Right when I finish reading this sign, a woman walks in with a diaper bag.  She says “Is she back there, I have the baby.”  The receptionist gives her the ok, she opens the door and a man quickly whizzed by in a black blur with the stroller trying not to disturb anyone.

Time passes.  I notice that about 3 different couples, including Sour Puss, have come out with organza bags filled with a green blanket.  When we first came we were given a book, so I wondered if this was some kind of new give away.

The stroller couple comes out and I notice not one but two babies!  The stroller was front to back, not side by side.  I continue thinking about the sign, I wonder if it really disturbs people to see babies here.  I know it can be difficult with you want something so bad, but seeing those babies gave me a little (tangible) hope that this place is successful.

We were finally seen about 4 pm.
I had a physical complete with breast exam.  I don’t know why but this was totally awkward, probably because 1. I’ve never had a male doctor before and 2. I’ve never had Hubby go to ALL the Dr apts.  I wasn’t quite sure where to look, the ceiling seemed the safest.

Everything looks good.  He drew 4 marks on me, 1 in the belly button and 3 along my pelvic bone.  
We talked about blood loss (less than a table spoon) and how we refuse blood transfusions’.  It was a relief that he was familiar with Jehovah’s Witnesses and he said he practices all his surgeries bloodless.
He’s going to take pictures before and after, that’s a new one for a creepy scrapbook.  He plans to drain my tube, clip it and pull it out.  Worst case scenario would be that it’s attached to my bladder, intestines or another organ.  In that case he will detach it from the uterus and leave it in to not risk nicking anything else.  He won’t know until he’s in there but he feels very optimistic.  

Another contributing factor to this ongoing saga is male infertility.  Yea, that’s a thing.  Dr. Potter said we hit the infertility jackpot marrying each other.   So now we are 100% on track for IVF.
Hoping everything goes right, good healing and all to start a cycle in January.

Got a blood draw to check my thyroid levels and was given instructions for surgery day.

While we were checking out I asked my nurse about the green blankets.  She said once couples make it to the 10 week mark of pregnancy they have a little graduation, getting a blanket and are turned over to obstetrics.   I then told her about Sour Puss, come on lady you got a blanket, Smile!

I felt like the lady on Napoleon Dynamite that is giddy over Tupperware whispering “I want that”

I will get my green blanket.  Heck, I’ll take two.

Lab Worked Over

So Fridays lab work didn't turn out quite like I thought. I actually didn't have any blood drawn at all, this is why:

The PA that issued my lab orders failed to tell me my fasting glucose test was going to take 3 hours and that I needed to have a high carb diet for 3 days prior to the draw. (Yea I had a salad for dinner)

Seeing I had to go back to work I asked what else I could get out of the way so the trip wouldn't be a waste. Here's where it got hairy, the remaining hormone and infectious disease tests came up to $900 and they wanted payment up front. Turns out that Quest only takes payments for people who have been approved for financial aid.

I got a little angry at this point and wanted to see what the cost per test was. I also questioned why I had to do these infectious disease test anyway, I was basically told the state mandates it because they don't want any more children being born with HIV or Hepatitis. I both understand this and think its ridiculous, what about all the infected people who get pregnant every day? Can't control that. So the standard HIV test is $40 and then there's a secondary test that tells you what type you have for $400. This is what mad me really angry, I KNOW I have no STDs why on earth would I pay for this extra test??

I basically sat for a hour arguing with the lab on what I would and would not be paying for especially since it had to be up front. I finally got the cost down to $300 and wouldn't you know it my credit card got declined. I totally forgot we used it to buy hubby's flight to Canada.

Totally embarrassed I picked up a form for financial aid and cried the ugly cry in the parking lot.

The PA called and we worked out how to stagger the tests then I pulled myself together in time to walk into my office.

Now I'm back at the lab on Monday morning. I had my first draw done and drank the limeaid sugar water. Toward the end I wanted to gag. I have 2 more draws today, 4 tubes each. Can't. Wait.

What's up Doc?

Here's the big update

The office was nice, intimate and private.
The first thing we were handed was our "hope" workbook and Dr. Potter's book "what to do when you can't get pregnant" I'm not sure if the title was some sick twist on what to expect when your expecting?  But I took it with stride and chose a seat thinking I cant believe I'm in this place.

We sat in the waiting room about 15 minutes. Long enough for hubby to fiddle with the high tech coffee maker and for me to flip through the book. To be honest I haven't even looked through our work book yet because I'm still in "sticker shock" but I'll get to that later.

Earlier in the day I stumbled on to Yelp reviews of the facility and the Dr I was about to see. I thought Yelp was only for food! There was some good bad and ugly, but for the most part I felt it made be better prepared. I chalk up the reviews to some people need to be coddled and sugar coated while others like myself want the more direct approach.

Dr Potter was the perfect amount of straight forward while still maintaining sensitivity.  He started out by asking for my medical history in my own words.  Of course in my own sarcastic way to defuse awkwardness I answered "I like sunsets and walks on the beach".  I got the desired chuckle and proceeded to run down my issues in 3 minutes or less.  He listened as he flipped through my records and made notes.  To my relief he told me that my old Dr Wood was on the right path by prescribing the metformin, that most Dr's are not comfortable dealing with my problem because they just didn't know enough about it.   I was really bummed out when Dr Wood retired and I got passed on to Dr Garcia.  I felt like Dr Garcia didn't really care to work with me, especially when I asked if my met could be increased and she looked at me like I was crazy.  And now Dr Potter is telling me that not only should it be increased, I need to be taking 3 times the amount.  He also shed some light on insulin resistance and how some cultures are more genetically predisposed to it.  He told me that I need to be on the Paleolithic diet, like a hunter/gatherer eating small animals (his words), green veggies, nuts and berries.  He also brought up that people didn't hoard the food they found all day till 5pm and sit down to a big feast, they ate as the went.  Eating wasn't easy, it was out of necessity.  He said if I worked really hard at this new diet, increased my exercise with my new meds the weight should fall off more easily.   I found this all very interesting.  He was so exuberant about it.

We talked a little more about our concerns.  And here is the bottom line. 
Can he get us pregnant?
Yes, he believes with in 3 IUI treatments we can have success.

Does he recommend IUI over IVF?
We won't be able to tell our direct path until we get all the blood work and tests back.  If its as simple as I just don't ovulate with no added issues IUI is definitely the way to go.  But if we find there's stacked issues we wont waste time and go straight to IVF.  Time will tell.

Do I have to drop 100 lbs before we start?
No, while I do have to lose some its not as drastic as I thought.  We can start as early as the next 2 months.  I need to get off my current meds so he can test my hormone levels and check out my liver before I start the new scrip.

He was very nice, I didn't feel like the brush off and no question was stupid.  It was really nice that he was familiar with everything I asked about and had a logical answer to everything.  So after the run down he wrote out all the details of what he wanted tested and when, then we got to sit with his assistant.  She gave us all the test prices and here is where the sticker shock comes in.

Tests include but are not limited to:
Ultrasound to check if my tubes are open  $243
Sonohysterogram (say that 5 times fast) to check my uterus and egg count $500
Mock Transfer (I don't know what this is) $145
Hormone Tests 5X $63
And now the state of CA is requiring infectious decease screening for $200 X2 for me and Hubs.
And then we have to get the guys counted for $220

Anybody have a calculator?  That's about $1900 out of pocket if I can't get insurance to pay for it. (remember I still have to choose a new insurance too)

And it's all so time sensitive, each thing happens on a specific cycle day.  The nurse was kind of pushing that we start in Feb.  But its just to soon.  It's so much to wrap my brain around, I've waited this long 2 more months are not going to kill me.

In the mean time its fun to go to restaurants and order "large animals with a side of carbs"

small update

I'm just going to put it out there that the appointment went well.  I really liked the dr. and its alot of information to absorb.  I'm just to mentally exhausted to write it all down.  Maybe tomorrow...

Dominos

I've maxed out my brain capacity; there are to many things whirling around upstairs. 
I'm going to write it out in a list because its the only way I can make sense of all the domino's.

1. Credit Issues
My sister's first name and my middle name are similar.  Our socials are also 2 digits apart. Resulting in our identity's via the credit bureaus getting crossed up.  Unfortunately she has a some not so bueno things showing up and it is now tanking my credit score.  We hired a company to get it straightened out and its going to take at minimum 30-45 days.

2. Finance
This whole credit issue is really jacking me up because now I can not get financed to put in carpet in the house. I've been getting denied left and right.  We're going to try it under Hubby's name only and see what it gets us. This is also distressing because we will have to finance the baby stuff. 

3. Work
My job location just shifted.  I knew all along that I was going to be working in a different office but I didnt anticipate things to change with in a few hours.  Its kind of hard to explain the whole scenario because I report to one person but have a dotted line to like 6 other departments.  So I came from our Brea office to our Chino office to train and cover for someone else and my supervisor decided it was a good day for me to just make Chino my perminant home.   So I'm learning new people and new tasks.  Also for the time being my hours will be 7-4 M-F, but once my department gets in full operation I'll work 6-6 W-S with a alternating 3 and 4 day week.  Yes that S stands for working Saturday!!  Yuck.

Hubby also started his new job on Monday.  He's loving it.  I just wish he'd cut ties with his old company but thats a whole nother Oprah.

4. Insurance
Kind of ties in with work...So since Hubby's new job is based in Canada (which has standardized health care) they have not quite figured out how to cover his insurance.  The game plan was go put him on insurance through my work and expense the cost difference.  It was going to work out smashingly because I'm supposed to get benefits starting Feb 1.  Surprise! My work doesnt offer medical insurance...they give us the option for supplemental coverage.  Something like Aflac.  So I am now on the hunt for individual coverage and its looking like about $300 for each of us. Yikes.

5. WW
Last Monday I missed my lunch time meeting because of a work meeting.  This Monday I missed because 1. I was in a new city and didnt feel like navigating and 2. I had another meeting to rush to for work back in Brea.  Monday's are clearly not working out for me.  Once my schedule settles down I'll have to pick a new meeting time near my new office.  In the mean time I've slide down the slippery slope of Cold Stones ice cream to the effect of being up 2 lbs.

6. Dr Apt.
D day is Thursday.  For so long it was so far away and now its right around the corner.  I have a wide range of emotions, I wish I could say excited but anxious is a more appropriate word.  I had this whole rosey colored bubble in my head that we'd meet with the dr and I'd show him my progress with weight loss and he'd say we have great odds.  My bubble hasnt totally burst, but I do feel down about not making my weight loss goal.  With no clue as to what we're going to discuss I feel almost vulnerable and I have a gut feeling like I'm going to be told to come back after I'd lost 50 lbs.

All this stress is jacking me up.  My period is MIA, I have a sty in my left eye and my psoriasis is flared up (I could play a mean game of connect the dots on my stomach)

I just need to get through this week....3 more days.  Hopefully I'll have a more positive post on Friday,  I know you'll want all the gory details from my visit.

Lean Mean 2013

So I didn't quite make the 13lb benchmark by January.  I missed the last 3 weigh ins.  According to my scale I was up and down over the 3 weeks; when I went for my official weigh in yesterday I was down .2 lbs.  At least its not a gain and I can still maintain my all loss book.  I've been on "break" making brownies and Mexican food (Why not go for bust since I wasn't counting anyway) but now its time to get back on the horse.

I've kept my promise to myself and I joined the community center gym.  I also went ahead and purchased Active Link to track my soon to be activity points.  I'm still trying to figure out how to use it but I'm excited about the tool and hoping it will give me more incentive.

My team leader was nice in saying "don't worry about the past, that's last years weight." 
Very true, I'm ready for the boost.  I'd love to say I'm going to lose 2 lbs a week and be at my goal for next year but realistically I'm going to put it out there to shoot for a 1lb a week knowing there will be ups and downs.  That will put me at a hopeful loss of 50 lbs!

So here's some other goings on for start of 2013.
As mentioned before we are moving!  In 5 weeks and counting...Officially February 16.  This has caused me some major stress in the past month but now things are settling down.  Hubby officially got a new job.  As of today his start date is January 21, but he's trying to get it bumped up to the 14th.  Seeing they want him on a conference call that day, I think it's fair the payroll clock starts then.  He'll be flying to Canada on the 21st and then to Atlanta to meet his new counter part on the 31st.

There was a lot of back and forth on the flight schedule but I'm happy to say He'll be able to go to the first fertility apt we have scheduled for January 24. 

Now I've read the starter packet back and forth and still have no clue what we're going to discuss in that first appointment.  But what I did find out is that we have to meet with a financial planner before we start any kind of treatment plan.  I thought this was kind of funny because don't you need to know what your planning to do before you know how much its going to cost?

The house we are moving into, I believe was built in the 70's.  Now my parents did some remodeling during the 20 years we lived there, but in the past 8 years the place has been screaming for a face lift.  At bare minimum we need to paint and carpet the place.  Gold, green and burgundy just AREN'T my colors!  There is also a leak in the master bath the feeds into a wall that will need to be taken care of ASAP so I've spent WAY more time in hardware stores than I'd ever imagine.  Why do I bring all this up?  A dirty little word called Finance, it's looming over my head. We don't have the up front cash to fix the house and I refuse to borrow it from the bank of Mom, so we'll have to finance that on top of what I'd already figured we'd have to finance for the medical stuff.

Yes there are a lot of goings on in my head.  On the funner side,  I have my annual scrapper bowl coming up February 9 and I'm hosting book club in March.  I've also added a knitting circle to my craft menagerie.  Sprinkle in a few photo shoots and we've got a full spring line up.

I just want to say I appreciate all my "cheer-readers" out there.  It mean's alot that you keep up with my silly stories and keep me encouraged to keep on my way.

B is for Book Club and Babies

So there's no weigh in up date this week.  I was unable to make my meeting because I had a work meeting run late.  I'm sure this is a blessing as I DOVE off the wagon last weekend and I'm sure I gained.  I just got a little free pass till next week to make it up.   Instead I'll be sharing about book club.

I read the book "the Lost wife" based in Prague during WW2.  This is my favorite excerpt from the book with out spoiling the story.  It has special meaning to me from my own experiences, things in my past that I'm not willing or ready to blog about.

When I got to the host home it quickly became apparent that we would do more stuffing of faces than talking about the book!  There was an amazing spread of desserts and wine along with gourmet grilled cheese and soups.  What could possibly make grilled cheese gourmet you might ask?  I'll tell you. It starts with raisin nut bread lathered in butter stuffed with brie, prosciutto, apple, fig spread and arugula.  Take that Ham and Cheese!  There was also the option of brie and chocolate; and Yes, it was delicious.  I tried to be good, honest I did.  I started with half a sandwich and salad. It was just TO good.  So I had another quarter of the sandwich.  I did however avoid the desert table because I'm pretty sure I already ate my weight in points.

I had really been wanting to join this book club for a while, but the entrance challange was a spelling bee.  Don't get me wrong, I can spell with the best of them.  I "words with friends" and "scrabble".  But to do it in front of people, NO thanks.  For some reason I was able to attend with out having to face the challenge so I gladly jumped on board.  I figured I'd know a couple people based on the evite list.  These are people I havent seen in 10 plus years.  At first I felt kind of "high school reunion" about it, but then was pleasantly surprised to see I'm not the only one a little more round in the face.  Then the next wave of realization hit.

Babies. Babies everywhere. There were 3 gooey tots to drool over.  Like this little guy, Wyatt.

There were 12 women there including myself, I started counting and realized that there were only 3 other people there with out children. 1/4 of attendees.  I wondered how they were feeling, do they not have kids by choice?  Or are they in a similar boat as me?  I'm guessing probably 50/50.

This is Sawyer, the little bean I'm making the book for you saw in my last post.  He helped keep me distracted from over thinking and over eating lol.  For some reason the reverse lens on my iphone started taking grainy pictures??

I won a game, answering the most correct questions about the book, and got this cute book tote....and in the end I signed up to have the next book club at my house in March.  The book I've chosen is one of my old fav's The Glass Lake by Mauve Binchey.

Hobbies and Jalepano's

I don't have anything super wonderful to report, but I feel like writing so it's time for show and tell.

Since its been cold and raining, the general feeling is to be inside nice and cozy.  So here are a few of my current projects. 

I started a mini book that I had intended to give as a baby shower gift.  That didn't happen and now the baby's heading into 4 months lol.  But I had all the stuff and so I decided to go ahead and finish it, the up side is I can now add pictures instead of giving it to my friend blank!

Next on my list of cozy projects is knitting.  One day while walking through Michael's I noticed this scrumptious sample of yarn, Loops & Threads Bunny Tail (pom pom).  I had to have it.  It looked really hard to work with, so I did my research and found some patterns to use.  Last November one of my besties and fellow knitter came over and we watched multiple you tube videos to figure out how to cast on these little monsters.   Once we got it down the rest was easy peasy.  The trick is you knit one stitch between the balls. The funny story about this blanket is that it called for 70 stitches.  I decided I wanted it a little bigger so I cast on 80 stitches.  Then I had my sister look at it and she said might as well make it a even hundred.  Well NOW the blanket is about 6 feet in length.  What started to be a lap blanket will now be a couch blanket for me and my hunny.   Since I usually scrap during the summer (and we've had a unseasonably warm winter) this project got pushed in the closet and was recently resurrected.  I'll be sure to post a picture when its done.  At the rate I'm knitting should be some time in January.

Last but not least I joined a book club.  This past month I read "The Lost Wife".  It was REALLY good so much I wish I had more book to read.  Tonight is the first meeting I'll be attending and the dinner theme is Gourmet Grilled Cheese, Soups and Champagne.   I'm in trouble lol.  I made jalapeno poppers pictured below.  Not too bad, I used the reduced fat crescent roll dough and re cut the sheet into 32 squares.  With a tsp of cream cheese and some chopped jale's, they come out to 1 point each.   I also made some with mini chocolate chips and brown sugar, also 1 point each.

Down side, I had a off site meeting for work today and they provided lunch.  The lunch in itself wasn't bad, 7 pts.  But I was STARVING and ended up eating the 12 point cookie that came in the lunch box.  I'm contemplating taking my own dinner to book club tonight so I don't totally botch this week.  We'll see what the scale says on Monday!

Secret Society Language - Abbreviations

Unless your interested in Infertility you could probably skip this post...

I've just been noticing that in all these blogs I've been reading there are alot of abbreviations.  Its like their own secret society language.  I'm constantly googling to find out what they are talking about.  So I actually found a nice little list in yahoo answers.  Some of them were ridiculous or creepy so I edited the list to fit my needs/things I may abbreviate.  Hope you find this helpful.

2WW = 2-Week Wait

AO = Anovulation

BBT = Basal Body Temperature
BCP = Birth Control Pills
BFN = Big Fat Negative
BFP = Big Fat Positive
BW, b/w = Bloodwork

C# = Cycle Number
CCT = Clomiphene Citrate Challenge Test (Clomid Challenge Test)
CD = Cycle Day
COH = Controlled Ovarian Hyperstimulation

DPO = Days Post-Ovulation
DPR = Days Post-Retrieval
DPT = Days Post-Transfer
Dx = Diagnosis

EPT = Early Pregnancy Test
ET = Embryo Transfer

FBG = Fasting Blood Glucose
FI = Fasting Insulin
FHR = Fetal Heart Rate
FP = Follicular Phase
FSH = Follicle Stimulating Hormone

GD = Gestational Diabetes
GnRH = Gonadotropin Releasing Hormone
GP = General Practitioner
GTT = Glucose Tolerance Test

hCG, HCG = Human Chorionic Gonadotropin
HPT = Home Pregnancy Test
HRT = Hormone Replacement TherapyIF = Infertility
IGTT = Insulin and Glucose Tolerance Test
IOR = Immature Oocyte Retrieval
IR = Insulin Resistant
ITI = Intra-tubal Insemination
IUI = Intra-uterine Insemination
IVF = In Vitro Fertilization

LAP = Laparoscopy
LH = Luteinizing Hormone
LMP = Last Menstrual Period (start date)
LP = Luteal Phase
LSP = Low Sperm Count
LUF, LUFS = Luteinized Unruptured Follicle Syndrome

MC, m/c, misc. = Miscarriage

NORIF = Non-stimulated Oocyte Retrieval In (office) Fertilization
NP = Nurse Practitioner
NSA = Non-surgical Sperm Aspiration

O, OV = Ovulation
OB = Obstetrician
OD = Ovulatory Dysfunction
OHSS = Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome
OPK = Ovulation Predictor Kit
OPT = Ovulation Predictor Test
OTC = Over The Counter

P4 = Progesterone
PA = Physician's Assistant
PCOD = Polycystic Ovary Disease
PCOS = Polycystic Ovary Syndrome
PCP = Primary Care Physician
PG = Pregnant
PGD = Pre-implantation Genetic Diagnosis
PIO = Progesterone in Oil
PNM = Perinatal Mortality
POC = Products of Conception
POF = Premature Ovarian Failure
PROM = Premature Rupture of Membranes

RE = Reproductive Endocrinologist
R-FSH, R-hFSH = Recombinant Human Follicle Stimulating Hormone
RPL = Recurrent Pregnancy Loss
Rx = Prescription

SA = Semen Analysis
SCORIF = Stimulated Cycle Oocyte Retrieval In (office) Fertilization

TTC = Trying to Conceive
Tx = Treatment

US, u/s = Ultrasound

WNL = Within Normal Limits

Drop of Sunshine on a Rainy day.

An update to my earlier post....

It's still raining and now my pant bottoms and shoes are soaking wet.  Im sitting at my desk bare foot and waiting for some work to get approved....

I hadn't heard back from HRC about getting a appointment scheduled so I decided to call.   Originally I really wanted to see Dr. Fredrick because 1. I wanted a lady Dr. 2. she's written alot of articles about PCOS.  Unfortunately she's based out of Newport Beach and thats just to much of a hike for us. 
So I decided to go with the Fullerton office.  It's closer to home and even though the Dr is a man, he looks normal hahaha.  I think too that having a male will be easier when it comes to getting hubby to open up about his own issues.

The lady was super nice.  She said that since we have Kaiser our consultation would be free!  And the follow up ultrasounds will be 10% off.  OH HAPPY DAY!

So it's done, I've booked our first fertility consultation for January 24, 2013.

Starting off November with a Bang

Today is weigh in day....my first of many to come.

"Drum roll please"  This week I lost 3 lbs! 

I have to say I'm a little elated because I did exactly what I was told not to do, weigh myself.  Not only that but I did it like every day.  And my scale only showed a 1.5 loss. As my WW leader says the only scale that matters is this one. So I'm going to stop weighing and just be surprised on Mondays.

Tricks I love this week:
1. Greek yogurt, tastes good high protein low points.  My friend showed me how to make tzakiki too.  Amazing.

2. Hummus and Cucumber, delish crunchy snack.

3. Using flavored olive oil in tuna instead of mayo.  It was SO good, I used a tsp of basil flavored EVOO in my tuna with onion, pickles, celery and a little mustard.  I stuffed 2 sandwich flats and had a totally satisfying lunch.

I also bought a pomegranate, my mom showed me how to knock out all the little gems.  I juiced them and added some to my green smoothie this morning.  SUPER sweet.

This morning I found out that one of my long time dearest friends is ALSO doing WW.  She just joined the week before me and I'm so excited that we can encourage one another.

My 5% goal is 13 lbs. I'm really hoping to be down 20 lbs by January. The community center that my ww meeting is at has a small gym.  I used to go about a year ago and I really like it.  I dont feel overwhelmed by the equipment and I love the classes they offer.  Anyhoo...they are offering 50% off the monthly membership in Janurary so it will be $14 instead of 28.  This is going to be my treat for acheiving my first goal so I can keep the momentum going.

After reading the PCOS blog, getting a big eye opener on the process and a little more research, I've determined that IUI is going to be the best course for us.  This also ties into my January goal.  I made a deal with Hubby to follow through with the consultation at the HRC (Huntington Reproductive Center) so they can give me a current status on my ovaries and do a work up on him too.  Its time to jump in.  Next year I'm determined to be a Mother.

Hubby is out of town this week for work.  I got the cleaning bug yesterday and purged his dresser and closet.  Got a nice little donation pile for the good will.  I also ironed the big pile of dress shirts I've been avoiding for about a month.  Now I actually know what he has and needs.  I'm hoping to give the bathroom a good scrub tonight and dust.  Then I'll have a chore free house for the rest of the week which means I will have time to scrapbook! guilt free.

I have a baby shower invite job to get crackin on too.  I have till the end of November to pump out 75. Woo..

One, Two, Three...

Ok so since my last "poor me" post I've actually accomplished somethings...

One...on Monday I officially joined weight watchers and went to my first meeting.  Thankfully my scale and theirs is the same so the number wasn't shocking...I was pre-shocked at home lol.  I love the new point system, it totally makes sense that the values should be determined by how your body digests foods.  I got the app on my phone, super handy and easy to use.  I love the web site and I actually get excited to track my food.  I'm actually looking forward to getting weighed next Monday!

Wednesday I popped over to TJ Max and bought myself a new lunch bag.  It's my little way to go you did something good for yourself treat, that and Hubby lost my old one.

Two...I started taking my herbs.  I called to find out my dosing, some went up and some went down and one got dropped all together.  I started taking them Tuesday morning because I altogether forgot on Monday.  So far, I feel like crap and they are making me burp some weird clove/Cinnamon flavor,  I know that my stomach will need time to adjust. The last time I took them I felt great with in 2 weeks.  I have a follow up call on Nov 12 to see how things are going. 

Three...I decided to drop coffee.  Its bad for you, bad for me more so because I cant take the caffeine.  It really screws me over on top of my insomnia.  Plus its 5-7 points the way I like to drink it with cream and sugar.  My next big feat will be to drop the diet coke.  I had stopped it for a while and was drinking juice instead but now that's out because of the sugar....baby steps.

I started reading a blog about someone else's trials and accomplishments with PCOS.  I think its funny reading about how someone else has done all the things I'm doing including wasting time at work googling any and everything about fertility and blogging about it.  She's a real person, with the same real problem and real anxiety who has twin girls today.  It makes me feel good and inspired and not alone to read it.  I even emailed her today, we'll see if I get a response.

I'm still reading the beauty detox book.  Slowly but surely.  Good thing is that it follows the same principles as weight watchers so it will be easy to incorporate.

I've also started knitting again.  I'm working diligently on some baby scarves for my friends visit to NY this winter.  I'm very excited I just learned how to make a button hole.  My next you tube video will be on how to crochet chevron stripes!!

I feel good.

Something's gotta give

Its amazing the rejuvenating property's wine and the ocean can have...

Our trip was a success.  Husband did a really nice job in picking the hotel with a ocean view.  We joined 2 wine clubs in the attempt to become grown ups LOL. 

Nothing much has changed in this month.  I got my herbs but I haven't started taking them.  Boo on me.  I just called to find out what dose I'm supposed to take. They are sitting on my kitchen counter wagging a finger of shame at me.

I jumped on the scale this past weekend and heard it cry "Uncle".  I've gained another 10 lbs, bringing my grand total to a unmentionable number.  Its disheartening because its the main thing I have to do, LOSE weight. If TTC isnt enough to drive me what is? One of my really good friends just joined weight watchers and asked if I would go with her.  Ironically I got a email from work saying they offered a discount to join in a effort to promote healthy life styles.  I decided to give it a shot again.  I heard there was a new point plan and I'm not doing anything better so why not?   

I was channel surfing last night and stumbled across an episode of sex in the city.  It was the episode where Miranda is pregnant and is thinking of not having the baby and Charlotte finds out she has a 15% chance of getting pregnant because she has a hostile uterus.  Parts of it made me want to bawl like a baby.  I swallowed down my tears so my husband wouldn't look at me like a lunatic.  It made me think about going to the HRC for a consultation. I have all the paperwork but havent followed through with an appointment because of the cost.  The only doctor I've seen is my Gyn. so it might be a good call to get another opinion on how to move forward.  Who knows?  What if I have a hostile uterus on top of the PCOS? 

We have also talked about potentially seeing a dr in Mexico.  When Husband went to his dr to get checked out the dr refused to check his hormone/testosterone levels because of his age.  He basically said we've looked at to many things online and wouldnt look into it further.  I would never go to Mexico on my own.  We actually got a recomendation from a friend who offered to go with us.  I dont even speak spanish!  I guess more on that later.

Back in August I had bought this book the beauty detox solution.  I skipped around it a bunch, now that I've finished reading the hunger games trilogy I'm going to force myself to read it cover to cover.  From what I have read it makes sense how she recommends to eat.  I've been drinking the glowing green smoothie and its pretty good.  I even have husband drinking it. 

Somethings gotta give....I need to get back on track.



Ovu-on time!

Hello again...

Just checked out my "stats" and looks like I've had some readers in Germany, Austrailia, Russia, Ireland and the US.  This both baffles and excites me. 

As promised I'm picking up in my story at Oct 2011.  I had spent the rest of July, Aug and Sept watching my food intake closely and joining the community center gym with my co worker/friend.  It was nice to see the scale dropping and my cycle getting regular.  In my last appt (July) the dr had told me just because I have a period doesnt mean I'm ovulating.  She had drawn me a chart like this one, only my labs had show my FSH and LH were completly the opposite levels than they should be (to low) and my testosterone was way to high.

"FSH and LH are two hormones secreted by the pituitary gland in the brain during the menstrual cycle. Blood levels of these hormones are often tested to determine how your ovaries are functioning. FSH (follicle-stimulating hormone) is released when estrogen levels are low. During a regular menstrual cycle, FSH levels begin to rise sharply midcycle, a day or two before ovulation. FSH stimulates the ovary to ripen a follicle, and, with the help of a spike in LH (luteinizing hormone), to release an egg. After that, FSH and LH levels fall off and progesterone levels rise as your uterus prepares for pregnancy or another period."

http://www.womentowomen.com/understandyourbody/tests/luteinizinghormone.aspx

In simple terms, my eggs were not getting the hormones they needed to grow and be released.  Theoretically every month that my cycle got more regular meant my hormones could be balancing out on their own and I would have more potential to ovulate.  So this got me curious about the ovulation perdictor kits I'd seen at Target and the calendars I've seen online.  I started with this:

The instructions seemed simple enough. I tried it with frustrating results and ended up going back over the instructions just in case I was doing it wrong.  Low and behold...the fine print, under limitations of test.

"Certain medical conditions may adversely affect the reliability of this test for predicting ovulation. These include pregnancy, postpartum, post-abortion, polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), ovarian cysts, the onset of menopause, and untreated hypothyroidism. Women with medically diagnosed fertility problems should consult their physicians before using this product."

A little disheartened but still determined I continued my web search.  I wish I could find the blog today, maybe you will in your own search...but one lady in particular really helped me.  She had written about her own experience and made up a chart showing all the pros and cons of each ovulation predictor kit.  In the end I chose the Clearblue Easy Fertility Monitor, it seemed to fit my needs the best. 

• Typically identifies up to 6 fertile days
• Most advanced way of tracking your most fertile days – the only non-invasive method that detects both LH and estrogen hormones
• 100% natural and non-invasive
• Suitable for women with regular and irregular periods

Horray!! Hallelujah!! Finally!! It cost a pretty penny though so I bid for it on ebay and I'm so glad I did.

When you use a typical ovulation calculator online (I confess I love babycenter.com) the results really vary.  Most were telling me that I would ovulate on the 11th day of a 28 day cycle.  According to my handy dandy monitor I was really ovulating on the 14th day.   Thats a pretty cruitial 3 day lapse, basically I was trying to concieve way to early in the month and totally missing my window.   If you have tried over a year to get pregnant I really recommend you look into this monitor for piece of mind.

The first time I used the monitor was Sept 2011 and was so relieved to see that it worked!  I showed a increase in my estrogen levels at the right time and it picked up on my ovulation.  Finally some relief.  I used the monitor successfully through Dec 2011.  Then all of a sudden my cycle jumped from 28 to 35 days and the monitor stopped detecting signs of hormone flux.

Back to the drawing board....

Next in line...

I tried using the monitor for the first 3 months of 2012. My cycle was anywhere between 34-36 days and the readings were all over the place.  It would pick up the rise in estrogen but never the LH.  Let me tell you those test strips aren't cheap!  In March I decided to try a new approach.  Two personal friends of mine had used Chinese medicine to conceive successfully.   I seriously thought it was a bunch of mumbo jumbo and resisted looking into it for a long time.  Feeling deflated I figured what could it hurt to try?  So I finally looked at the website with a open mind.  Some of the story's were down right incredible.  I made the phone call and spoke with a nice lady named Julie.  We talked for a long time about everything I'd been through thus far, she was very soothing friendly and reassuring.   I learned all kinds of interesting things on how to eat for your body and how blood flow works.  She started me on a regimen of Balance, Thinkers Tonic and Digestive Energizer.  Apparently I'm a "cold" person, so she wanted me to start the morning with warm water and lemon to get me going.  In about a week I felt great.  I was no longer sleepy during the day, I was sleeping better at night.  My mood was lifted.  It was a really nice change.

Unfortunately as life goes...I lost my job at the end of April so I wasnt able to stay with my new routine.

Happily though I got my job back!  I started up in August, so I was just able to purchase a new round of herbs and I cant wait to start taking them again.  I added Super Fertility #1 to my list.

Also happy to report for the first time in 9 months my cycle is back to 28 days!  Hopeful, I used the last of my test strips in September to see if it would read any LH.  It didnt.  But I'm ok with that, I know its still a work in progress. 

Tomorrow is our 3 year anniversary.  We're celebrating with a weekend trip to Santa Barbara.  I want to reflect on my blessings in life.  I have a great loving and supportive husband.

Get a cup of coffee, it's a LONG story

I guess the best place to start this story is way back in February 2004.  One of my best friends was getting married and my bridesmaid dress had just arrived, imagine my horror that it didn’t fit!  How had I gained so much weight in such a short amount of time???  Little did I know that at 23 yrs old that this was the beginning of the end as far as weight loss goes.  I joined weight watchers for the first time and thankfully was able to drop enough to get into that dress.

Let’s fast forward to Sept 2005, I went to Massachusetts to visit my then boyfriend (now husband) for 8 weeks.   When I got home my mother’s jaw dropped, she brought it to my attention that I had “blown up”.   I jumped on the scale and there it was…35 lbs heavier.   Freaked out I went to the doctor and told her about my rapid weight gain and struggles to keep it off in the past.  After a couple rounds of blood tests and a recommendation to the endocrinologist it was determined that I have PCOS.  

Well what the heck is that??

Clinical Definition:

Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) is one of the most common female endocrine disorders. PCOS is a complex, heterogeneous disorder of uncertain etiology, but there is strong evidence that it can to a large degree be classified as a genetic disease.

PCOS produces symptoms in approximately 5% to 10% of women of reproductive age (12–45 years old). It is thought to be one of the leading causes of female infertility and the most frequent endocrine problem in women of reproductive age.

The principal features are anovulation, resulting in irregular menstruation, amenorrhea, ovulation-related infertility, and polycystic ovaries; excessive amounts or effects of androgenic (masculinizing) hormones, resulting in acne and hirsutism (excessive hairiness); and insulin resistance, often associated with obesity, Type 2 diabetes, and high cholesterol levels. The symptoms and severity of the syndrome vary greatly among affected women.

(Thank you Wikipedia)

Awesome right?  Doesn’t every woman dream of being fat and hairy?  Not to mention Acne.

My Dr put me on the pill to regulate my periods, suggested I go back to weight watchers, handed me a pamphlet on my condition and kindly showed me the door.    I left feeling confused and over whelmed, but at least I had a name for what was going on.

Jump on over to May 2006, my first encounter with a ovarian cyst.  For months I had a dull stabbing pain in my abdomen, it finally had gotten to the point where I couldn’t ignore it anymore and wanted to know what was happening.   My Dr sent me to get a ultrasound so she could check out my uterus and ovaries.   Have you ever had an internal ultrasound?  Talk about AWKWARD!  So the technician is turning the screen and looking at it from every angle taking pictures and looking so serious.  I keep asking what she’s looking at and her response is you’ll have to talk to your physician for the results.  Argh.  She’s finished, I’m getting dressed and staring at the screen trying to figure out what the heck is in the grey blob.  Driving home I get a gut wrenching stabbing pain.  So bad I think I’m going to pass out, so I pull over until it subsides and slowly make my way home.   When I finally see my Dr for the follow up results I tell her what happened and she says simply “you had a slow leaking cyst, it must have burst.”  I’m sitting there nodding but really thinking “CYST?  BURST?  WHAT?”  as she goes on to tell me that she’s more interested in what the ultrasound showed…"your uterus and ovaries are healthy….. and you’ve ovulated."

I thought that’s what we wanted?

“well, we have you on the pill, so you should not be ovulating”

So what does that mean?

“you know on the packaging where it tells you 99% effective?  Well you fall into the 1% that will still ovulate and can get pregnant while taking the pill”

WHAT?

“it’s rare but it does happen.  You’ll just have to be extra careful until you’re ready to have children.”

At this point I’m thinking are you freaking kidding me?  Which is it?  Can I or can I not have children?

I tell this whole scenario to Boyfriend and he says “can’t they put you on extra pills?” 

This ladies and gentlemen is how 27 yr old men think.

                Between 2007 and 2009 my weight went up and down like a yo-yo, I did weight watchers 2 more times (and in hindsight I do believe this is the best way) but didn’t stick, next was nutri system (expensive and disgusting), the lemon maple cayenne cleanse (burnt my throat), south beach, atkins and probably numerous others I don’t remember at the moment.

                March 2009 we got engaged!   August rolled around and wouldn’t you know it, my wedding dress didn’t fit.  With 3 months till my wedding my sister told me about HCG.  This diet was probably my most extreme.  I gave myself injections and stayed on a strict 500 calorie diet of lean meat and veggies.  I lost 45 lbs and I got into my dress (size 14).   But settling into married life, cooking and baking cupcakes (I LOVE CUPCAKES) led to gaining it all back plus more. 

                October 2010 Husband took me to Hawaii for our 1 yr anniversary.  I just started a new job, we had insurance, I had turned 29 a few months earlier…and my baby clock was SERIOUSLY ticking.  After some serious convincing of the Husband… June 2011 I went back to the Dr to get a whole new panel done (I hadn’t had a period since January and that was ON the pill, I got off the pill in April), see how things were looking on the inside and have her bring Husband up to speed on how the whole baby making process SHOULD work, she drew us some charts and this is where it all went to HELL.   “You’re not ovulating regularly, your eggs are not forming correctly, they’re not viable.  I can recommend a fertility specialist, they can prescribe Clomid to help stimulate the egg growth….BUT your blood pressure is too high,  you really need to lose weight to carry a healthy pregnancy, you’re in danger of having gestational diabetes and hyper tension if you do get pregnant and I really would not recommend you try at this time.”

I felt like all the air just got sucked out of the room.  Crushed.

The new plan was to 1. Take some progesterone to jump start the period 2. really stick to losing weight so that my body would naturally get back in sync, my blood pressure would lower and I wouldn’t have to get on any medication.

Step one worked.  Thankfully it’s been an entire year now with a cycle every month.  Who ever thought they’d be excited to get their period, NOT ME!!!  Haha.

Step two we’re still working on…but my blood pressure has come down so that’s good.

Since this post is SO long I’ll stop now, my next post will pick up at October 2011.

Ready, Set, BLOG.

I’ve been thinking about this blog for Oh I don’t know maybe 6 months; vacillating on what do I want to write, share, make public?  Well my friend started her own blog and I decided to bite the bullet and dive in.  Nothing like a little good peer pressure right? 

So this is what I’ve been mulling over…documenting my journey of trying to become a mother.   To most woman it’s probably not that big of a deal but to the 10% who are struggling with infertility my heart goes out to you, which is why I want to share snips of every blog I’ve read, every diet I’ve done and anything else under the moon I’ve tried seeking help.

I don’t know who will actually end up reading any of this, but in the meantime I know it will help me to put it all down and hopefully track progress.  This isn’t going to be ALL about wanting a baby.  I do like other things in life!  Like scrapbooking and knitting and photography, so that will be sprinkled throughout as well.