Recovery

Mentally

It took me a while to wrap my brain around what happened and figure out how to write this post.
Dr. Potter felt very optimistic that he would save/repair the left side.  He did tell us that there's always a chance that they will find a surprise when they got inside.  My gut told me they were going to have to take both but my heart was stuck on the hope that it would be repaired and I'd have a shot some day at doing this the "normal" way.



When I heard the hospital staff talking outside my room, I thought well this sucks. I knew it.
After I'd fully come out of anesthesia I asked my recovery nurse to make sure I wasn't hearing things.
The nurse confirmed yes and then my loving husband told me the rest.

Dr. Potter met with him while I was sleeping.  When they opened me up the left side was considerably more damaged than the scan had shown.  They preformed another HSG to see where the dye would flood to double check the results.  The left end was completely sealed no dye could pass and it was extremely enlarged, to the point it was translucent.  The right side was able to have some dye go through but it was beyond repair, also being enlarged and blown out.  Imagine blowing up a balloon to the point where you could see though it and its almost about to pop.  If it had been left in there would be a serious risk of ectopic pregnancy and losing it anyway.  My uterus and ovaries look great though.

So this is the hard part, there is no more hope for one day thinking I'm late I might be pregnant or let's try to have another baby.  It will always have to be clinical, calculated, frustrating and Stinking Expensive.  My brain tells me "you couldn't get pregnant with your tubes anyway."  But my heart screams "this isn't fair, I don't want to pay for a child, I just want to be normal."

It took about 4 days to sink in.  There was the Ugly Cry, I sobbed in the dark and my husband rubbed my back and repeated "I understand".

Physically

When we left the hospital it was 3:30.  I slept the whole way home, was put in bed and woke up at 6:30.  Hubby had gone to pick up my meds and left my mom to babysit.  I requested tortilla soup and she delivered.  Funny how mom's are; she made sure I had my robe and slippers, pillows and a step stool to reach my high bed.

There were flowers, magazines and cards.  Lunch and Dinners brought.  Hot cocoa and RUM. Yes, my friends know me well.

My sister made me this amazing basket, it was so beautiful and pink.  I was genuinely touched and started sobbing.  Like uncontrollably. What can I say? It was a rough week.

I had two incisions in my belly button, one right above my pelvic bone and one directly over my right ovary.  They taped me up from here to kingdom come!  Like my entire stomach.  I was told to leave them on until my post op (a FULL week) and to sleep sitting up.  My anesthesiologist told me that they were going to blow up my abdomen with gas and it usually ends up trapped in the shoulders.  He was not kidding.  I had so much pain in my right shoulder it felt like someone was trying to rip my arm off.  What do you do when you cant move your tummy?  You use other parts like your back and arms to maneuver yourself.  Well every time I would move my arm it would shift that bubble and blind me with pain.  At some points I literally screamed.  It was way worse than the actual incisions!

They were just sore and itchy.  My bandages didn't last 9 days, by day 5 I was dying to take them off and let my skin breath.  Hubby used to be a EMT, he got me waterproof bandages and got me all set up so I could take a decent shower (which was Amazing).

When I had my post op Dec 10, Dr. Potter confirmed what happened in surgery and showed me the pictures.  He looked at my incisions, all were healing well but one.  Apparently my body was rejecting the stitches and pushing them back through my skin!  Frankin-stitches. He had to get his tweezers and pull it out!  It didn't hurt but it did freak me out.

He then gave me the A OK to proceed with IVF.  We met with Janet to get our list of meds and made a appointment with the financial person Julie.  We also had both our blood drawn for genetic screening, we will not be screening our embryos.  More big decisions ahead.



July - Summer in Full Swing

July 1-4 Vegas Baby
Our friends Molly and Andrew came to visit from Mexico.  We hardly ever get to see them so we took this opportunity to treat them to a weekend away.

I can't post all the pictures so here's the highlights:

We played sequence with m&ms for board pieces while making up a new guessing game called I Am. You can only ask yes or no questions to figure out what item you are (determined by opposing team), trust me this is hilarious especially when your drinking....err juice. 

We walked through the endless casinos playing/posing with novelty items like gigantic necklaces. 

We found a place that served deep fried lobster tail and lobster ice cream, tried both.  

Ate dinner at a country bar that had a disco bull.  Went to the aquarium at the Mandalay hotel, where I met a piranha and Andrew had his head in the mouth of a alligator.  Stuffed ourselves at a Brazilian buffet with the best chimichuri I've ever tasted.  Saw Vegas the show compliments of our time share.  Did lots of shopping.  Walked the strip at night then has midnight sushi.  Woke up late shopped some more, had lunch and enormous dessert at Serendipity 3.

July 18-20

I took advantage of a miss scheduling at work and some time share points that needed booking and took a little trip to Palm Springs.  It was intended to be a relaxing craft weekend but it didn't turn out like that with a 2 yr old in tow.  We did have a good time watching movies, playing in the pool and getting our toes done. 

Then rush right home for Taryn's recital and Aileen's baby shower....

Show ran till almost 7 pm, didn't make the shower went home to crash instead.

July 21 Family Dinner

Our first time having the whole family over since moving to the house.  Like my Brady bunch pic? My parents, grandparents, aunt, cousin, sister, bro in law and his parents...the whole kit and caboodle.

My grandparents have an affinity for grilling; my potato salad came out so good the first time that I made it again with traditional BBQ baked beans corn and burgers!  We also had mason jar margaritas and pineapple upside down cake.

I love my hubby 

July 27
No Shoes Nation tour

One if the best concerts ever! Eli Young Band, Eric Church, Kenny Chesney, my little country head was about to explode!  Hubby bought me a "crazy girl" baseball tee, I love it so much I'm having a hard time not over wearing it lol.

July 30

Turned 32, mom brought me some delicious perfume.

June 2013

I'm so behind and my OCD won't let me blog out of order!  I have half a mind to just scrap these missed months posts but I don't want to forget these little moments so I'll try to blow through these to get to the meaty stuff. 

June 8

Alyssa's grad party

Remember in mays post the madness that was my desk?  That was the creation of little Missy's graduation gift of a years worth of photos and mementos her mama cleverly snuck away.  I was glad to provide my artistic abilities.

June 14

Book club

Ms. Lindsay did an amazing job with our china themed party.  She choose the book Shanghai Girls by Lisa See.  The details in the book were so intricate you could picture everything.  It was so emotional and raw, incredible page turner, I had to get the second book because I had to know what was going to happen next!

As always we do what we do best eat, talk, kiss babies, eat, talk and eat some more!

June 16

The entire month of May my sister and her hubby were touring Europe. (Yes jealous!)

We had them over for Sunday dinner, I made my first ham and tried my hand at grandma's potato salad.  I did pretty darn good too.  My lovely sister brought me these delightful goodies, soap from Paris, bowls from Italy bracelets from Spain.  All in my favorite color, aqua!  It looked so pretty like this I left it to display in my book shelf.  

June  22-23

Yearly I put on a craft day which has affectionately become known as CYBO (craft your brains out) for 10 delirious hours of crafting food and games.  I normally to do it at a local high school in a big room but my connection retired so we were on the hunt for a new location.  Only problem is we were so used to the nice accommodations and being free is a big plus!  Another change this year was that I now have a house to host in, so I took the challenge of fitting 15 crafters between 3 rooms. 

I think these girls look pretty happy.

Blur of May

Sunday May 4

Well we kicked off May with a Air Show at my work.  I took my favorite boys, Hubby, my Dad and Ryan along with some of his friends.   I work on a small airport that was hosting this show, so we got free front row seats.  It was so cute watching the boys get so excited at each taxiing plane.

I let each of them have a turn taking pictures, made sure they were really careful using the neck strap and all…

The best part was everyone got to get into our helicopter, play with the buttons and wear the head sets.

Look at these beaming faces!

Then the party foul happened.  When we were packing up to leave my hands were full of bags, chairs, food etc.  Somehow I let the camera strap slip and dropped it right on its face! 

Thankfully just the UV filter broke and not the actual lens.  So grateful that the camera guy suggested we buy the filter for just this reason!  The next day at work I had to have one of the guys in the shop break loose the filter because it bent on the threads.  OUCH.  Still no damage to the actual lens, which is amazing. 

On our way home Dad Ryan and I made up a song about Ryan’s Floppy band aid from a cut he’d gotten earlier in the morning.   Maybe you had to be there but it was super funny to us…. Remember Ryan’s 9.

Floppy band aid came from my dad

Floppy band aid it’s all he had

Floppy band aid made from a tree

Floppy band aid it protects me

Floppy band aid I pick at it so much

Floppy band aid it hurts to touch

Floppy band aid my skin is white

Floppy band aid I’m glad it’s night

Floppy band aid covers my scab

Floppy band aid is such a drag

Floppy band aid don’t know what to do

Floppy band aid it lost its glue

Floppy band aid I started to rub

Floppy band aid came off in the tub

Floppy band aid I got a new cut

Floppy band aid it’s on my Butt!

Saturday May 8
My desk looked like this pretty much the entire month of May.

I've been helping a friend make a memory book of her daughter Senior year as a graduation project.  It's a surprise so everything stays at my house. 

This shot of Zoe cracks me up.  She's such a clingy little bugger, always under foot.  I always tell them "go outside, be a dog!"  She found out that she can hop up on the flower bed and peek into the window to see what I'm doing.

Tuesday May 14
My Dad turned 55 today.  We don't celebrate birthdays, but I still think turning 55 is pretty cool.  Nice even number.  I love my Dad.  He's my favorite guy in the whole world next to my husband.  I got him a nice card at trader joes, it had a cute retro 50's dad on the cover saying "Fatherhood, Someone's gotta do it" for father's day but blank in side.  Wrote him a little thank you note for being such a great Dad and bought him some cupcakes.  If you know my Dad, you'd know he has a insane sweet tooth.

Saturday May 18

We had our first bon fire of the summer.  I saw this commercial, have not clue what it was actually for but it had smores in it and I thought "Mmmmmmm Smores" and quickly sent out a mass text for our friends to come over for cards and a fire.

We had a really nice group of young couples with lots of kiddos. 18 in total.  We all started out around the fire pit, but eventually the guys split to play poker and the girls stayed talking about babies and the latest news. 

Even grown up boys are dumb.  My friends husband toasted a mashmallow on his finger.

Gave the kids glow bracelets and flashlights and let them go nuts.

All in all it was a great night and every one went home happy and full of sugar.

May 24

We started our trip to Seattle and Canada for my parents 36 yr Anniversary.  There's so many pix for that it needs a whole seperate post.

Aprils Missed Post

I know its been a really long time, nearly 3 whole months since I've blogged.  We've just had a lot going on that I'll get into in another post.  In the mean time I notice that this little post never got to make its debut in April. 

Friday April 12

I hosted book club at my house for the first time.  I picked my favorite book ever, The Glass Lake by Maeve Binchy.  It's set between London and a small town in Ireland so I picked pub food for the theme.

I found this super cute little tea pot at World Market, reminded me of Big Ben.  I sat it on a stack of books by the same author and set out some teas.

What's more Pub like than a little beer?  Whilst at World Market I asked for a recommendation on Irish beers, I'm definately not a cono sur of any sort.  I was told that Wexford's was a cross between a blonde beer and cream soda, Delish!  Sounded like it would go great over vanilla ice cream, so I got everything in place for Beer Floats!!

We had a small showing, a quaint group of 4 got to sit around the kitchen table and drink wine. 

I found the best red I've ever tasted.  So not a red drinker, but this little baby was so smooth.

Along with our beer floats we had Pork and Cabbage sliders, Potatoes, Traditional meat pies and

soda bread with Dublin butter.

YUM

Saturday April 13

Our local scrap store closed (sad face) on the last day of March.  I'd really grown attached to the lady's that worked there in the past 5 years.  The only good part is that I totally scored on the going out of business sale and stocked up on supplies.  I even got a hanging rack to beautifully display all my treasures (stickers, embellishments, etc)

I have a gigantic clear cookie jar that houses my ribbon stash.  Since it was a lazy movie watching afternoon I decided to copy a technique I learned from Paper Craft Princess Cindy and band my ribbons with strips of brown paper bag.  They look so much better now and I'm able to find things much easier than dumping out the whole jar.

Sunday April 14
Curly Hair dont Care & the coffee that gets the morning going.

April 21

Went to visit my sissy in San Clemente to get my hair done before she rendezvous off to Europe for a month! We enjoyed the sunshine, had a nice hawaiian dinner and she made these delicious drinks with milk, cinnamon and chocolate whip vodka!  I'm a sucker for mason jars and colorful straws so had to snap a pic.

April 28

We got Zoe Monster....which we talked about here.

Thats it for April, now I'll move on to the blur that was May.



30 is the new 20

I know I've been dormant for a while.  Mainly nothing momentous to share and partly still resonating on the load of information from my last post, but here's a little fun from last week.

These ladies are the core of my youth.  My childhood bestie's and my sister.  These day's its FAR and between that we actually can all be together in the same room, but last Thursday some things shifted in the right place and we were able to have a nice girls night out.  (I say far in a quite literal term, as we are scattered between San Clemente and Los Angeles)

I had bought some concert tickets as an anniversary gift for another friend.  We were supposed to go on a double date, but that quickly fell apart when Hubby had to go back east for work and the other couple couldn't make it because of a non-bottle-taking-baby situation.  So I found myself with 3 open tickets and couldn't think of 3 people I'd rather take then these.  I felt very "sex in the city" getting the girls together.  Ironically in our 18 year friendship we've NEVER gone to a concert.

We started out the night at a swanky West Hollywood restaurant called the Fig & Olive.  One of the girls had a coworker who's husband just happened to be working and was able to get us a table.

It was a interesting set up, kind of like a patio but inside.  We sat in wicker chairs that pulled up to a coffee table and all ordered an assortment of crostini's and a salad. 

We have this a inside joke where you have a "moment" with your first bite of something new. Something you know is going to be good but surprises you on just how good and its "food-gasmic". Each bite was divine, I didn't want this evening of good food and friends to end.  But at the same time I kept glancing at the clock thinking we have somewhere to be.

And that's when the waitress comes up and asks if we just have 10 more minutes to spare because the manager would like us to have a desert.  How could we turn that down?  Behold the "moment" giving chocolate lava cake with the surprise citrus semifreddo.

I considered taking an after shot but we basically licked the plate clean if that gives you any indication on how good it was.

We left the restaurant saying why don't we do this more often?  We should do this once a month!  Would that realistically happen, probably not because lets face it LIFE happens but it's nice to hope. 

It was only a 5 minute drive to the concert venue so I really had nothing to worry about we got there in plenty of time.  The concert was Tristan Prettyman (mentioned in this post)

This would be my third time seeing her in concert and she just keeps getting better.

Fun Fact: the first time I saw her 6 years ago was with one of my besties and now we were seeing her again together.

I thought I was pee in your pants excited before... I think I literally turned into a 15 year old girl when Joshua Radin came out to do a song with her.

All the music was beautiful, emotional and raw; a genuinely Great concert.  I'm super happy I got to share it with my sister.  Although theres only 3 years between us, we've had a gap in our social scene the past oh I don't know 8 years lol.  Now that she's a married lady and almost 30, I see that gap is closing.  I would have NEVER thought we'd go to a country bar together, let alone try line dancing. 

The evening was full of reminiscing, remember whens and where did the time go?  And then there was the interesting conversation of age, discussing how 30 isnt so scary afterall  (we range from 29-31)  At what point are you a adult?  In my mind I'm still 23! Although some days my body feels 63. When I look at my peers some with children some without and we're just "the girls".   My sister made an interesting point, "our 30's are to redo the 20's but BETTER."  We're more mature, have more money and can appreciate things differently than 10 years ago.   Funny and true.  I bet we'll be having the same conversation in 10 more years.

Foot Loose and Fancy Free

I kept another promise.  I've been wanting new walking shoes and not just any shoes....ones with out laces.  I loath laces.  You know that perky Skechers commercial where the girls is walking around in lavendar flats...well it caught my eye and I thought those would be perfect and indeed they are.

I read multiple reviews on line likening them to clouds and pillows...So I went to Macy's last night to check these bad boys out.  They are indeed cloud like.  I tried on both the Go Walk and Go Recovery shoe, and for the life of me I can not figure out the difference besides the fabric.  The Go Recovery reminds me more of a water/boat shoe with its mesh material.  I opted for the Grey go walk, they didnt have my size so I ordered them.  Supposedly they'll be here by the 15th.

I wasn't to keen on the $60 price tag, during my search I also stumbled upon these cuties by Easy Spirit. 

It's their e360 Restart shoe.  Also laceless, cloud like AND half the price at $34.99.  I was determined to get my behind out on a walk last night so I bought the shoes while I wait for the skechers to arrive.

I took a test walk with my trusty companion, did a moderate up and down hill around the block for about 20 minutes.  My tootsies felt great and everything went well (aside from leash/ear bud entanglement).  I do recomend not wearing socks.  Mine slid off my heal and got all bunchy; it was annoying feeling it in my shoe walking down hill. I think they are going to be great for when I start zumba back up.

I also got my active link all synced up and today is my first day wearing it.  I'm supposed to wear it 7 days so it can get a baseline on how much activity I normally do in week.  Then it will design fitness goals for me.  I'm pretty pumped about my new toys.

Reprieve

Well I dragged my rear to the WW meeting today even though I didn't want to.  Turns out they were closed!  Probably due to the fact that I go to a meeting in a community center not a actual facility.  So this week I get a reprieve.  I think I needed it anyway.  I weighed myself this morning and thankfully I've lost the pound I gained due to grilled cheese bliss.  So I'll be adding that to my online tracker and we'll just call the past 2 weeks a wash *wink*

I've been seriously considering switching to a Friday meeting.  For me its easier to behave during the week because I only eat what I pack for work and my dinners are really planned out.  It's the weekend where...

Since the world did not end on Friday we decided to keep our Saturday plans and go to a friend's house warming.  I lived up the weeekend.  I did not pass up fresh baked norweigen bread, potatos and glass of wine....didnt take pictures, sorry my hands were full!  Sunday we had a nice breakfast while watching love it or list it my new fav home show followed by a AMAZING kabob lunch in Brea.  I dont know what to chalk it up to, life, stress eating, or just down right rebellion but I need to turn this ship around or I'm not going to make my January goal.  I have 4 more lbs to go to meet my 5% loss.

You might be wondering why would I be stress eating now?  We are still waiting to hear back about the job offer from Canada.  It all seems good, they've even given a start date but there's been no $$ given.  Normally I wouldn't stress about Hubby getting a job because he has a job currently.  Well you know how I had previously mentioned big changes are coming...this might be closest to the biggest one of all.  We are moving into my child hood home, most likely at the end of February.  The mortgage is a horse pill to swollow.  We can make it with our finances now but the new job would make things a whole lot smoother.

Also I sold alot of our stuff when we moved last year which means I need to re purchase things like a kitchen table and laundry machines.  Its going to be so funny having a house with no furniture.  I'm sure I'll post pictures as we go.

Right now I'm looking forward to tomorrow, an extra day off, we're finally going to sit down and read/fill out all the Dr's paper work and move along with that process.  Our apt is exactly a month away.

Pina Coladas

Today's weigh in:  -1.4
Grand total: 9.2

They rolled out a new plan today that I'm not sure I like yet. Could be that I'm just not a fan of change.  The points are the same thank goodness because I'm used to them and they are working for me.  New thing called Spaces and Routines.  The reason why I'm not crazy about them is they are things I'm already doing.  Routines is very similar to 21 day challenges and Spaces is just controlling yourself in trigger environments.  I'm sure they will be helpful to most people just starting out.  We'll see how I feel in a few weeks.

Tips from the week:
1. I've never actually used Simply Filling part of the program until this past weekend and I did it subconsciously.  We went to a anniversary party which was pretty impossible to count the food.  So I filled my plate with "safe" food.  Salad, Veggies, a small portion of meat, yams.  I kept sipping on water and avoided the dessert table. Yea Me!

2. Last Wednesday I had my hair done by my wonderful sister.  We had some nice conversations and I told her about doing WW.  It was nice to have her support me because when we went to dinner afterward she encouraged me to split a meal with her.  I'm grateful because those veggies were certainly laced with butter.
So even though on these 2 instances I wasn't exactly sure what the points were I still counted and even over estimated a little for just in case.

3. My friend and WW buddy turned me on to La Croix coconut seltzer water at Target.  The flavor is great coconut/vanilla, so I googled the name and recipe.  I got the idea to make a skinny Pina Colada!  By using a cup of frozen pineapple bits from trader joes, 1 can of coconut water and 2 oz of coconut rum, it makes 2 servings.  Technically the rum should cost you 2 points per ounce and the rest is free, but for some reason when you put it in the recipe builder it bumps you up to 4.  Its your call on how you want to count it.

I basically spent the weekend singing "If you like Pina Coladas, blah blah blah in the rain"

It helped cheer me up, since my car just got recalled for the engine catching on fire!

Hmmm I guess I could have gone around singing "Great Balls of Fire"....