Recovery

Mentally

It took me a while to wrap my brain around what happened and figure out how to write this post.
Dr. Potter felt very optimistic that he would save/repair the left side.  He did tell us that there's always a chance that they will find a surprise when they got inside.  My gut told me they were going to have to take both but my heart was stuck on the hope that it would be repaired and I'd have a shot some day at doing this the "normal" way.



When I heard the hospital staff talking outside my room, I thought well this sucks. I knew it.
After I'd fully come out of anesthesia I asked my recovery nurse to make sure I wasn't hearing things.
The nurse confirmed yes and then my loving husband told me the rest.

Dr. Potter met with him while I was sleeping.  When they opened me up the left side was considerably more damaged than the scan had shown.  They preformed another HSG to see where the dye would flood to double check the results.  The left end was completely sealed no dye could pass and it was extremely enlarged, to the point it was translucent.  The right side was able to have some dye go through but it was beyond repair, also being enlarged and blown out.  Imagine blowing up a balloon to the point where you could see though it and its almost about to pop.  If it had been left in there would be a serious risk of ectopic pregnancy and losing it anyway.  My uterus and ovaries look great though.

So this is the hard part, there is no more hope for one day thinking I'm late I might be pregnant or let's try to have another baby.  It will always have to be clinical, calculated, frustrating and Stinking Expensive.  My brain tells me "you couldn't get pregnant with your tubes anyway."  But my heart screams "this isn't fair, I don't want to pay for a child, I just want to be normal."

It took about 4 days to sink in.  There was the Ugly Cry, I sobbed in the dark and my husband rubbed my back and repeated "I understand".

Physically

When we left the hospital it was 3:30.  I slept the whole way home, was put in bed and woke up at 6:30.  Hubby had gone to pick up my meds and left my mom to babysit.  I requested tortilla soup and she delivered.  Funny how mom's are; she made sure I had my robe and slippers, pillows and a step stool to reach my high bed.

There were flowers, magazines and cards.  Lunch and Dinners brought.  Hot cocoa and RUM. Yes, my friends know me well.

My sister made me this amazing basket, it was so beautiful and pink.  I was genuinely touched and started sobbing.  Like uncontrollably. What can I say? It was a rough week.

I had two incisions in my belly button, one right above my pelvic bone and one directly over my right ovary.  They taped me up from here to kingdom come!  Like my entire stomach.  I was told to leave them on until my post op (a FULL week) and to sleep sitting up.  My anesthesiologist told me that they were going to blow up my abdomen with gas and it usually ends up trapped in the shoulders.  He was not kidding.  I had so much pain in my right shoulder it felt like someone was trying to rip my arm off.  What do you do when you cant move your tummy?  You use other parts like your back and arms to maneuver yourself.  Well every time I would move my arm it would shift that bubble and blind me with pain.  At some points I literally screamed.  It was way worse than the actual incisions!

They were just sore and itchy.  My bandages didn't last 9 days, by day 5 I was dying to take them off and let my skin breath.  Hubby used to be a EMT, he got me waterproof bandages and got me all set up so I could take a decent shower (which was Amazing).

When I had my post op Dec 10, Dr. Potter confirmed what happened in surgery and showed me the pictures.  He looked at my incisions, all were healing well but one.  Apparently my body was rejecting the stitches and pushing them back through my skin!  Frankin-stitches. He had to get his tweezers and pull it out!  It didn't hurt but it did freak me out.

He then gave me the A OK to proceed with IVF.  We met with Janet to get our list of meds and made a appointment with the financial person Julie.  We also had both our blood drawn for genetic screening, we will not be screening our embryos.  More big decisions ahead.



In the Background

So my last few posts may have looked “zippity do da” like we’re just buzzin’ through life with fun filled weekends; which is partly true but there has definitely been activity in the background.

Back in Feb I posted about my fasting glucose test and all the other required tests to get a proper plan in place.  The result of that glucose test was a prescription to get back on Metformin 750 mg 3 times a day and switch over to the Paleo diet.   I never actually made it up to 750, I’ve been maintaining 500mg x 3.  I’ve been doing OK on Paleo, until about 2 weeks ago.  I literally thought I was going to vomit if I had to eat one more premade meal with caulirice.  So we put that delivery service on hold for this month and I’m cooking.

August 26 I officially changed from contract to permanent employee which means we have insurance!   They automatically sign everyone up for Kaiser, which I have nothing against but I like my own doctors and I hate having to go through the endless paper approval process.  So we switched over to Blueshield 90/10 plan, the most expensive (560 per month) but the least in deductible and included infertility coverage.

When I took this job the idea was to work 3 12 hr days a week.  That should have allotted me the time to go to the dr. Well HR wouldn’t approve that, the most they would agree to was a 4/10 schedule.   After a lot of back and forth and being completely burnt out I got assigned a normal 5/8 schedule.  I now work from 6-2:30.


Sept 25 I saw my regular Dr to have my yearly physical done and get all my stats updated.  My blood pressure was abnormally high, it was attributed to work stress.  

Oct 1 Went to get the remainder of my blood work done.  Was gone from work 2 hrs, there was a miscommunication on how I could break out my time, which turned in to a discussion with my supervisors on what I’m perusing and how much time I can take.
Basically they want me to make all my appointments after I’m off for the day, they are willing to let me take a hour lunch and stay until 3 pm to get my lab work done.   We have to meet again in 3 months.

Oct 7 Nurse called with lab results, said everything looked good except I was very low on vitamin D and needed good cholesterol.   Recommended 2000IU Vitamin D and flax seed oil.  Later that night I was curious about my BP and had hubby take it.  156/110, scary high.

Oct 8 Called Nurse back told her about BP, she insisted I see the dr right away.  Go to dr get prescribed BP meds and asked to take log of readings for 2 months.  Attending dr see’s we are trying to get pregnant in chart and thankfully prescribes a med that I can stay on through a pregnancy.

Oct 9 Go back and forth with our lousy PA Janet on lab results and missing tests.  Apparently she forgot to order 2 blood tests on top of needing my LH and FSH levels.  I had to have a baseline ultrasound done between cycle day 1-4 and she insisted it be done at their office between 7-9 am. And then there was the Sonohysterogram that needed to be scheduled before day 12.  Can you believe she told me "just send me a email on cycle day 1 and I’ll get all this scheduled for you?"
I call the dr’s office and ask to speak to anyone BUT Janet, thank goodness I did.  Ended up talking to a very nice lady named Lisette.  She explained that I could get my labs done at Quest or at any HRC office as long as they were same day results and that I can also get my ultrasounds done at any HRC office.  She helped me move my baseline to a 4pm apt in Newport and confirmed my sono with Dr Potter on 10/24, which Janet never scheduled!

Oct 15 Cycle day 1.  Email Janet (useless)

Oct 16 Cycle day 2, go to Newport for the most awkward ultrasound of my life.   I’ve done the internal deal before but never bleeding!  Who signs up for this job?  Gross.  It only lasted about 10 minutes.  He took pictures and basically said 10 words.  

“Healthy lining for day 2.  10 Follicles on each side, small. Ovaries consistent with PCOS.”
I wasn’t really sure what all that meant, this is what Dr. Google found.

This whole time I thought the cysts were on the outside of the ovary, not around the eggs. So then naturally I wanted to know how many follicles was normal.

So I guess I'm lower than average?

I also ran into Janet on my way out, who forgot to tell me to schedule an HSG (hysterosalpingogram) between day 6-10.  Do you see a pattern of forgetfulness here?

At check out; $323 for one ultrasound, 4 labs and 1 copay.  This is at 50% cost according to my plan, I double checked.   Dr. Potter wasn’t going to be able to meet up for a complete follow up until Nov 13. So the soonest we can start a cycle will be Nov 15.

Oct 17 Called our insurance to find a hospital with a radiology department in plan.  I still cannot believe I had to schedule this on my own.

Oct 21 Cycle day 7 Went to Whittier Community Hospital for HSG.  If you are squeamish stop reading here.

“During a hysterosalpingogram, a dye (contrast material) is put through a thin tube that is put through the vagina lady business and into the uterus. Because the uterus and the fallopian tubes are hooked together, the dye will flow into the fallopian tubes. Pictures are taken using a steady beam of X-ray (fluoroscopy) as the dye passes through the uterus and fallopian tubes. The pictures can show problems such as an injury or abnormal structure of the uterus or fallopian tubes, or a blockage that would prevent an egg moving through a fallopian tube to the uterus.” – WEBMD

This had to be the most utterly horrifying experience in my life.   My nurse was really nice and sympathetic.  She showed me all the tools and explained the procedure. The Dr was the exact opposite.  I had to lay on a table similar to what you would for a pap accept completely flat on my back and totally exposed.   

He had to clean the “area” with iodine, then the speculum (which was not smooth or gentle), then he fed in the catheter which felt like a jab and then pressure and then extreme pain which made me yelp and nearly push off the table.   He said he made the balloon to big and had to start over.   I wanted to grab something.  My first instinct was to grab onto the thing nearest, which was the xray machine, so that was a no.  I couldn’t grab the table either.  I ended up balling my fists and covering my eyes and breathing.  The pain was so extreme when he put in the contrast, burning and pressure and cramping. I thought I might faint or vomit.   Just a few more minutes. More dye, more pain, more breathing. Then he stopped to look at the screen.  I could barely look at the screen myself.  “Right side completely blocked.  Left side blocked, no wait, dye is showing slowly.  A partial blockage.”   

(This is not my film, but mine looked very similar)

Then he leaves the room.  Nurse says all done and I say are you sure?  She says yes again.  And I say it still hurts, I feel pressure, are you sure he got everything out?  She says yes and that I will have cramping because there was some bleeding.  And I say No, there is pressure.  She tries to help me up. At this point I reach around all the draping and PULL out the speculum.  He left it in!!  I knew I didn’t hear the clicks of it being released.   The nurse looked totally humiliated and kept apologizing. She took the tool and we looked at the stand together as she recounted all the tools.  There was blood on most of it.  She helped lower the table so I could get off, my legs were quivering and there was a rush – the dye and whatever else coming out.  She gave me a towel and helped me walk to the bathroom.  I don’t know if I wanted to sob because of the pain or because of the results, but I had to hold it together long enough to get my films and get the heck out of there.  
I text hubby on the way out to go pick up my scrip for antibiotics and guess who forgot to call them in?

When I got home I soaked in the tub for about a hour. It was therapeutic, kind of like I was washing off what just happened.    There was lots of cramping and spotting for the rest of the night and following day.

Oct 24 Tomorrow my Sonohysterogram is scheduled and I’m totally freaked out about it.  It’s a similar procedure with the cath and inserting saline.  This time hubby can go with me.   I’ll update this post either Friday or Monday.

Lab Worked Over

So Fridays lab work didn't turn out quite like I thought. I actually didn't have any blood drawn at all, this is why:

The PA that issued my lab orders failed to tell me my fasting glucose test was going to take 3 hours and that I needed to have a high carb diet for 3 days prior to the draw. (Yea I had a salad for dinner)

Seeing I had to go back to work I asked what else I could get out of the way so the trip wouldn't be a waste. Here's where it got hairy, the remaining hormone and infectious disease tests came up to $900 and they wanted payment up front. Turns out that Quest only takes payments for people who have been approved for financial aid.

I got a little angry at this point and wanted to see what the cost per test was. I also questioned why I had to do these infectious disease test anyway, I was basically told the state mandates it because they don't want any more children being born with HIV or Hepatitis. I both understand this and think its ridiculous, what about all the infected people who get pregnant every day? Can't control that. So the standard HIV test is $40 and then there's a secondary test that tells you what type you have for $400. This is what mad me really angry, I KNOW I have no STDs why on earth would I pay for this extra test??

I basically sat for a hour arguing with the lab on what I would and would not be paying for especially since it had to be up front. I finally got the cost down to $300 and wouldn't you know it my credit card got declined. I totally forgot we used it to buy hubby's flight to Canada.

Totally embarrassed I picked up a form for financial aid and cried the ugly cry in the parking lot.

The PA called and we worked out how to stagger the tests then I pulled myself together in time to walk into my office.

Now I'm back at the lab on Monday morning. I had my first draw done and drank the limeaid sugar water. Toward the end I wanted to gag. I have 2 more draws today, 4 tubes each. Can't. Wait.

What's up Doc?

Here's the big update

The office was nice, intimate and private.
The first thing we were handed was our "hope" workbook and Dr. Potter's book "what to do when you can't get pregnant" I'm not sure if the title was some sick twist on what to expect when your expecting?  But I took it with stride and chose a seat thinking I cant believe I'm in this place.

We sat in the waiting room about 15 minutes. Long enough for hubby to fiddle with the high tech coffee maker and for me to flip through the book. To be honest I haven't even looked through our work book yet because I'm still in "sticker shock" but I'll get to that later.

Earlier in the day I stumbled on to Yelp reviews of the facility and the Dr I was about to see. I thought Yelp was only for food! There was some good bad and ugly, but for the most part I felt it made be better prepared. I chalk up the reviews to some people need to be coddled and sugar coated while others like myself want the more direct approach.

Dr Potter was the perfect amount of straight forward while still maintaining sensitivity.  He started out by asking for my medical history in my own words.  Of course in my own sarcastic way to defuse awkwardness I answered "I like sunsets and walks on the beach".  I got the desired chuckle and proceeded to run down my issues in 3 minutes or less.  He listened as he flipped through my records and made notes.  To my relief he told me that my old Dr Wood was on the right path by prescribing the metformin, that most Dr's are not comfortable dealing with my problem because they just didn't know enough about it.   I was really bummed out when Dr Wood retired and I got passed on to Dr Garcia.  I felt like Dr Garcia didn't really care to work with me, especially when I asked if my met could be increased and she looked at me like I was crazy.  And now Dr Potter is telling me that not only should it be increased, I need to be taking 3 times the amount.  He also shed some light on insulin resistance and how some cultures are more genetically predisposed to it.  He told me that I need to be on the Paleolithic diet, like a hunter/gatherer eating small animals (his words), green veggies, nuts and berries.  He also brought up that people didn't hoard the food they found all day till 5pm and sit down to a big feast, they ate as the went.  Eating wasn't easy, it was out of necessity.  He said if I worked really hard at this new diet, increased my exercise with my new meds the weight should fall off more easily.   I found this all very interesting.  He was so exuberant about it.

We talked a little more about our concerns.  And here is the bottom line. 
Can he get us pregnant?
Yes, he believes with in 3 IUI treatments we can have success.

Does he recommend IUI over IVF?
We won't be able to tell our direct path until we get all the blood work and tests back.  If its as simple as I just don't ovulate with no added issues IUI is definitely the way to go.  But if we find there's stacked issues we wont waste time and go straight to IVF.  Time will tell.

Do I have to drop 100 lbs before we start?
No, while I do have to lose some its not as drastic as I thought.  We can start as early as the next 2 months.  I need to get off my current meds so he can test my hormone levels and check out my liver before I start the new scrip.

He was very nice, I didn't feel like the brush off and no question was stupid.  It was really nice that he was familiar with everything I asked about and had a logical answer to everything.  So after the run down he wrote out all the details of what he wanted tested and when, then we got to sit with his assistant.  She gave us all the test prices and here is where the sticker shock comes in.

Tests include but are not limited to:
Ultrasound to check if my tubes are open  $243
Sonohysterogram (say that 5 times fast) to check my uterus and egg count $500
Mock Transfer (I don't know what this is) $145
Hormone Tests 5X $63
And now the state of CA is requiring infectious decease screening for $200 X2 for me and Hubs.
And then we have to get the guys counted for $220

Anybody have a calculator?  That's about $1900 out of pocket if I can't get insurance to pay for it. (remember I still have to choose a new insurance too)

And it's all so time sensitive, each thing happens on a specific cycle day.  The nurse was kind of pushing that we start in Feb.  But its just to soon.  It's so much to wrap my brain around, I've waited this long 2 more months are not going to kill me.

In the mean time its fun to go to restaurants and order "large animals with a side of carbs"

small update

I'm just going to put it out there that the appointment went well.  I really liked the dr. and its alot of information to absorb.  I'm just to mentally exhausted to write it all down.  Maybe tomorrow...

Foot Loose and Fancy Free

I kept another promise.  I've been wanting new walking shoes and not just any shoes....ones with out laces.  I loath laces.  You know that perky Skechers commercial where the girls is walking around in lavendar flats...well it caught my eye and I thought those would be perfect and indeed they are.

I read multiple reviews on line likening them to clouds and pillows...So I went to Macy's last night to check these bad boys out.  They are indeed cloud like.  I tried on both the Go Walk and Go Recovery shoe, and for the life of me I can not figure out the difference besides the fabric.  The Go Recovery reminds me more of a water/boat shoe with its mesh material.  I opted for the Grey go walk, they didnt have my size so I ordered them.  Supposedly they'll be here by the 15th.

I wasn't to keen on the $60 price tag, during my search I also stumbled upon these cuties by Easy Spirit. 

It's their e360 Restart shoe.  Also laceless, cloud like AND half the price at $34.99.  I was determined to get my behind out on a walk last night so I bought the shoes while I wait for the skechers to arrive.

I took a test walk with my trusty companion, did a moderate up and down hill around the block for about 20 minutes.  My tootsies felt great and everything went well (aside from leash/ear bud entanglement).  I do recomend not wearing socks.  Mine slid off my heal and got all bunchy; it was annoying feeling it in my shoe walking down hill. I think they are going to be great for when I start zumba back up.

I also got my active link all synced up and today is my first day wearing it.  I'm supposed to wear it 7 days so it can get a baseline on how much activity I normally do in week.  Then it will design fitness goals for me.  I'm pretty pumped about my new toys.

Lean Mean 2013

So I didn't quite make the 13lb benchmark by January.  I missed the last 3 weigh ins.  According to my scale I was up and down over the 3 weeks; when I went for my official weigh in yesterday I was down .2 lbs.  At least its not a gain and I can still maintain my all loss book.  I've been on "break" making brownies and Mexican food (Why not go for bust since I wasn't counting anyway) but now its time to get back on the horse.

I've kept my promise to myself and I joined the community center gym.  I also went ahead and purchased Active Link to track my soon to be activity points.  I'm still trying to figure out how to use it but I'm excited about the tool and hoping it will give me more incentive.

My team leader was nice in saying "don't worry about the past, that's last years weight." 
Very true, I'm ready for the boost.  I'd love to say I'm going to lose 2 lbs a week and be at my goal for next year but realistically I'm going to put it out there to shoot for a 1lb a week knowing there will be ups and downs.  That will put me at a hopeful loss of 50 lbs!

So here's some other goings on for start of 2013.
As mentioned before we are moving!  In 5 weeks and counting...Officially February 16.  This has caused me some major stress in the past month but now things are settling down.  Hubby officially got a new job.  As of today his start date is January 21, but he's trying to get it bumped up to the 14th.  Seeing they want him on a conference call that day, I think it's fair the payroll clock starts then.  He'll be flying to Canada on the 21st and then to Atlanta to meet his new counter part on the 31st.

There was a lot of back and forth on the flight schedule but I'm happy to say He'll be able to go to the first fertility apt we have scheduled for January 24. 

Now I've read the starter packet back and forth and still have no clue what we're going to discuss in that first appointment.  But what I did find out is that we have to meet with a financial planner before we start any kind of treatment plan.  I thought this was kind of funny because don't you need to know what your planning to do before you know how much its going to cost?

The house we are moving into, I believe was built in the 70's.  Now my parents did some remodeling during the 20 years we lived there, but in the past 8 years the place has been screaming for a face lift.  At bare minimum we need to paint and carpet the place.  Gold, green and burgundy just AREN'T my colors!  There is also a leak in the master bath the feeds into a wall that will need to be taken care of ASAP so I've spent WAY more time in hardware stores than I'd ever imagine.  Why do I bring all this up?  A dirty little word called Finance, it's looming over my head. We don't have the up front cash to fix the house and I refuse to borrow it from the bank of Mom, so we'll have to finance that on top of what I'd already figured we'd have to finance for the medical stuff.

Yes there are a lot of goings on in my head.  On the funner side,  I have my annual scrapper bowl coming up February 9 and I'm hosting book club in March.  I've also added a knitting circle to my craft menagerie.  Sprinkle in a few photo shoots and we've got a full spring line up.

I just want to say I appreciate all my "cheer-readers" out there.  It mean's alot that you keep up with my silly stories and keep me encouraged to keep on my way.

B is for Book Club and Babies

So there's no weigh in up date this week.  I was unable to make my meeting because I had a work meeting run late.  I'm sure this is a blessing as I DOVE off the wagon last weekend and I'm sure I gained.  I just got a little free pass till next week to make it up.   Instead I'll be sharing about book club.

I read the book "the Lost wife" based in Prague during WW2.  This is my favorite excerpt from the book with out spoiling the story.  It has special meaning to me from my own experiences, things in my past that I'm not willing or ready to blog about.

When I got to the host home it quickly became apparent that we would do more stuffing of faces than talking about the book!  There was an amazing spread of desserts and wine along with gourmet grilled cheese and soups.  What could possibly make grilled cheese gourmet you might ask?  I'll tell you. It starts with raisin nut bread lathered in butter stuffed with brie, prosciutto, apple, fig spread and arugula.  Take that Ham and Cheese!  There was also the option of brie and chocolate; and Yes, it was delicious.  I tried to be good, honest I did.  I started with half a sandwich and salad. It was just TO good.  So I had another quarter of the sandwich.  I did however avoid the desert table because I'm pretty sure I already ate my weight in points.

I had really been wanting to join this book club for a while, but the entrance challange was a spelling bee.  Don't get me wrong, I can spell with the best of them.  I "words with friends" and "scrabble".  But to do it in front of people, NO thanks.  For some reason I was able to attend with out having to face the challenge so I gladly jumped on board.  I figured I'd know a couple people based on the evite list.  These are people I havent seen in 10 plus years.  At first I felt kind of "high school reunion" about it, but then was pleasantly surprised to see I'm not the only one a little more round in the face.  Then the next wave of realization hit.

Babies. Babies everywhere. There were 3 gooey tots to drool over.  Like this little guy, Wyatt.

There were 12 women there including myself, I started counting and realized that there were only 3 other people there with out children. 1/4 of attendees.  I wondered how they were feeling, do they not have kids by choice?  Or are they in a similar boat as me?  I'm guessing probably 50/50.

This is Sawyer, the little bean I'm making the book for you saw in my last post.  He helped keep me distracted from over thinking and over eating lol.  For some reason the reverse lens on my iphone started taking grainy pictures??

I won a game, answering the most correct questions about the book, and got this cute book tote....and in the end I signed up to have the next book club at my house in March.  The book I've chosen is one of my old fav's The Glass Lake by Mauve Binchey.

Secret Society Language - Abbreviations

Unless your interested in Infertility you could probably skip this post...

I've just been noticing that in all these blogs I've been reading there are alot of abbreviations.  Its like their own secret society language.  I'm constantly googling to find out what they are talking about.  So I actually found a nice little list in yahoo answers.  Some of them were ridiculous or creepy so I edited the list to fit my needs/things I may abbreviate.  Hope you find this helpful.

2WW = 2-Week Wait

AO = Anovulation

BBT = Basal Body Temperature
BCP = Birth Control Pills
BFN = Big Fat Negative
BFP = Big Fat Positive
BW, b/w = Bloodwork

C# = Cycle Number
CCT = Clomiphene Citrate Challenge Test (Clomid Challenge Test)
CD = Cycle Day
COH = Controlled Ovarian Hyperstimulation

DPO = Days Post-Ovulation
DPR = Days Post-Retrieval
DPT = Days Post-Transfer
Dx = Diagnosis

EPT = Early Pregnancy Test
ET = Embryo Transfer

FBG = Fasting Blood Glucose
FI = Fasting Insulin
FHR = Fetal Heart Rate
FP = Follicular Phase
FSH = Follicle Stimulating Hormone

GD = Gestational Diabetes
GnRH = Gonadotropin Releasing Hormone
GP = General Practitioner
GTT = Glucose Tolerance Test

hCG, HCG = Human Chorionic Gonadotropin
HPT = Home Pregnancy Test
HRT = Hormone Replacement TherapyIF = Infertility
IGTT = Insulin and Glucose Tolerance Test
IOR = Immature Oocyte Retrieval
IR = Insulin Resistant
ITI = Intra-tubal Insemination
IUI = Intra-uterine Insemination
IVF = In Vitro Fertilization

LAP = Laparoscopy
LH = Luteinizing Hormone
LMP = Last Menstrual Period (start date)
LP = Luteal Phase
LSP = Low Sperm Count
LUF, LUFS = Luteinized Unruptured Follicle Syndrome

MC, m/c, misc. = Miscarriage

NORIF = Non-stimulated Oocyte Retrieval In (office) Fertilization
NP = Nurse Practitioner
NSA = Non-surgical Sperm Aspiration

O, OV = Ovulation
OB = Obstetrician
OD = Ovulatory Dysfunction
OHSS = Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome
OPK = Ovulation Predictor Kit
OPT = Ovulation Predictor Test
OTC = Over The Counter

P4 = Progesterone
PA = Physician's Assistant
PCOD = Polycystic Ovary Disease
PCOS = Polycystic Ovary Syndrome
PCP = Primary Care Physician
PG = Pregnant
PGD = Pre-implantation Genetic Diagnosis
PIO = Progesterone in Oil
PNM = Perinatal Mortality
POC = Products of Conception
POF = Premature Ovarian Failure
PROM = Premature Rupture of Membranes

RE = Reproductive Endocrinologist
R-FSH, R-hFSH = Recombinant Human Follicle Stimulating Hormone
RPL = Recurrent Pregnancy Loss
Rx = Prescription

SA = Semen Analysis
SCORIF = Stimulated Cycle Oocyte Retrieval In (office) Fertilization

TTC = Trying to Conceive
Tx = Treatment

US, u/s = Ultrasound

WNL = Within Normal Limits

Crab Apple

And I was doing SO well yesterday until I got home...

I guess I should preface this with the fact that I live in an apartment that is attached to my parents home. 

So I get home from work and I'm enjoying the blissful silence of my home when I hear my mom talking through my window asking what I was up to and if she could come over...  UHHH I guess so?

It seems that when Hubby is out of town it is my mom's duty to keep me company.   Well that turned into binging on some brownies and pulling out a bottle of wine.  Stress eat much?

Its not her fault.  I just wasn't in the mood to talk about my screw up brother...after he came home at 2 am and woke the neighbor hood with Coco's (my dog) incessant barking.  No I'm not bitter or sleep deprived.

I counted my loss of points...10 over my allotment.  thank goodness for those floater points.

Unfortunately the same 2 am appearance happened last night so it sent me into a tail spin of bad mood today. 
At work there is a man that sits behind me, I don't know if he's Persian or Israeli, but he always offers up food from his home land.  I've done my best to avoid him but today I felt like I was utterly insulting him by not accepting his candy.  It was just a bite.  A bite of DOOM.  When he went to lunch I got the box off his desk and whipped out my point calculator.  A whopping 5 points! All these grapes and cucumbers and I waste 5 points on that? 

So then the other thing that's bummed me out today is that out of curiosity I googled my blog name to see what would come up.  I came up with someone with the same blog name in England, cool right?  She's actually a really good writer and really funny.  The bummer part she's had a terrible time with fertility and 4 failed IVF's.  From her blog I found other blogs with sad story's.  I really just wanted to stay in my hopeful bubble. 

I'm sorry about my funk...I hope to have better sleep tonight.  Other wise someones going to die.