Recovery

Mentally

It took me a while to wrap my brain around what happened and figure out how to write this post.
Dr. Potter felt very optimistic that he would save/repair the left side.  He did tell us that there's always a chance that they will find a surprise when they got inside.  My gut told me they were going to have to take both but my heart was stuck on the hope that it would be repaired and I'd have a shot some day at doing this the "normal" way.



When I heard the hospital staff talking outside my room, I thought well this sucks. I knew it.
After I'd fully come out of anesthesia I asked my recovery nurse to make sure I wasn't hearing things.
The nurse confirmed yes and then my loving husband told me the rest.

Dr. Potter met with him while I was sleeping.  When they opened me up the left side was considerably more damaged than the scan had shown.  They preformed another HSG to see where the dye would flood to double check the results.  The left end was completely sealed no dye could pass and it was extremely enlarged, to the point it was translucent.  The right side was able to have some dye go through but it was beyond repair, also being enlarged and blown out.  Imagine blowing up a balloon to the point where you could see though it and its almost about to pop.  If it had been left in there would be a serious risk of ectopic pregnancy and losing it anyway.  My uterus and ovaries look great though.

So this is the hard part, there is no more hope for one day thinking I'm late I might be pregnant or let's try to have another baby.  It will always have to be clinical, calculated, frustrating and Stinking Expensive.  My brain tells me "you couldn't get pregnant with your tubes anyway."  But my heart screams "this isn't fair, I don't want to pay for a child, I just want to be normal."

It took about 4 days to sink in.  There was the Ugly Cry, I sobbed in the dark and my husband rubbed my back and repeated "I understand".

Physically

When we left the hospital it was 3:30.  I slept the whole way home, was put in bed and woke up at 6:30.  Hubby had gone to pick up my meds and left my mom to babysit.  I requested tortilla soup and she delivered.  Funny how mom's are; she made sure I had my robe and slippers, pillows and a step stool to reach my high bed.

There were flowers, magazines and cards.  Lunch and Dinners brought.  Hot cocoa and RUM. Yes, my friends know me well.

My sister made me this amazing basket, it was so beautiful and pink.  I was genuinely touched and started sobbing.  Like uncontrollably. What can I say? It was a rough week.

I had two incisions in my belly button, one right above my pelvic bone and one directly over my right ovary.  They taped me up from here to kingdom come!  Like my entire stomach.  I was told to leave them on until my post op (a FULL week) and to sleep sitting up.  My anesthesiologist told me that they were going to blow up my abdomen with gas and it usually ends up trapped in the shoulders.  He was not kidding.  I had so much pain in my right shoulder it felt like someone was trying to rip my arm off.  What do you do when you cant move your tummy?  You use other parts like your back and arms to maneuver yourself.  Well every time I would move my arm it would shift that bubble and blind me with pain.  At some points I literally screamed.  It was way worse than the actual incisions!

They were just sore and itchy.  My bandages didn't last 9 days, by day 5 I was dying to take them off and let my skin breath.  Hubby used to be a EMT, he got me waterproof bandages and got me all set up so I could take a decent shower (which was Amazing).

When I had my post op Dec 10, Dr. Potter confirmed what happened in surgery and showed me the pictures.  He looked at my incisions, all were healing well but one.  Apparently my body was rejecting the stitches and pushing them back through my skin!  Frankin-stitches. He had to get his tweezers and pull it out!  It didn't hurt but it did freak me out.

He then gave me the A OK to proceed with IVF.  We met with Janet to get our list of meds and made a appointment with the financial person Julie.  We also had both our blood drawn for genetic screening, we will not be screening our embryos.  More big decisions ahead.



Salpingectomy....Farewell Fallopian tubes

The Surgery

Monday morning we made our way over to Hoag Memorial.  It was like walking into a hotel, marbled floors, elevator music and a swanky reception desk that let me know they were waiting for me upstairs.  Should have known better when they valeted our car. 

The wait wasn't to long before I was taken back to my tiny room, more like a stall to change into my stylish gown.  Everyone was nice and accommodating, with every passing nurse I got a new bracelet and recited the spelling of my name and birth date for accuracy.  My favorite was the no blood bracelet, the others were name tags and allergies, I even got a orange band to identify which side they were removing from!

After a while they let Hubby come back and keep me company.  We used the wifi and watched some Dr Who. Then I shut it off thinking "what if they put me out and I dream about something terrible and can't wake myself up?"  I was also extremely afraid of waking up during surgery and how badly a IV would hurt.  My mother in law suggested I ask for a IV nurse and anti anxiety meds.  

Well I struck out on the nurse but my anesthesiologist was fantastic! He insisted on doing the IV himself, talked to me through the whole thing and I have to say the worse part was the shot to numb my hand. He totally hooked me up on the anti anxiety and the next thing I knew I was waving good bye and lights out. 

Literally lights out, I had to remove my contacts (legally blind without them) it was blurry going into the hallway and I remember looking down at my hand that was burning like a hot poker and looking up at the lights whisking by. 

The next thing I know I'm touching my face and I hear a voice telling me to put my hand down and then physically pushing it down.  I still don't know what I was touching, maybe a oxygen mask? The next voice I heard was a man asking me what my pain level was, I mumbled 4 and he said it's ok your still sleepy I'll ask you in a little bit.  ...sleeping..... Moaning, it hurts....how bad? 7.....pain meds....it's dark and noisy and there's a man next to me yelling.  I remember blinking hard and asking if I was supposed to be waking up (trying so hard to wake up) or if I could go back to sleep.....sleeping....asking to use the bathroom "your still a little sleepy to be walking do you want a bed pan?" I'll hold it....more voices and something that sounds like "No, it was a double salpingectomy."

Even in a stooper I know what that means, they took both tubes. 

Pre Op, Pre Op My Baby

My surgery is officially 10 days away.

I had my pre op today, all things considered it went well.

Every other time we’ve gone the waiting room has been seriously empty.  Not this time, there were at least 4 other couples waiting and several that were slowly filtering out.  It’s hard not to people watch. My appointment was set for 2:50 pm, we sat in the room for just over a hour, I was able to read 2 people mags and play with every app on my phone in the midst of slyly glancing over to check out for lack of a better term “the competition”.   I can’t help wondering what other peoples issues are and at what stage of this whole process they are in.

To our left was a couple, looked like later 30’s, husband looked casual, wife looked totally annoyed. Her body language was terrible, she was turned completely away from him and had the most sour look.  Maybe they had bad news?  Maybe they’ve already been trying for years?
To our right a single woman, looked mid 20’s.  She was in and out pretty quick, I’d say she was there for blood work.

Directly behind us is an older couple.  They look like they came directly out of the 80’s, She a pastel floral dress with big shoulder pads, white Minnie mouse shoes, frizzy perm hair and He Mr. Rogers sweater vest cousin. We couldn’t tell if they were in their 50’s or just had aged terribly and were early 40’s?

On the counter where you sign in there is a candy jar and a sign that asks patients to please consider others at a sensitive time and please do not bring in children.

Right when I finish reading this sign, a woman walks in with a diaper bag.  She says “Is she back there, I have the baby.”  The receptionist gives her the ok, she opens the door and a man quickly whizzed by in a black blur with the stroller trying not to disturb anyone.

Time passes.  I notice that about 3 different couples, including Sour Puss, have come out with organza bags filled with a green blanket.  When we first came we were given a book, so I wondered if this was some kind of new give away.

The stroller couple comes out and I notice not one but two babies!  The stroller was front to back, not side by side.  I continue thinking about the sign, I wonder if it really disturbs people to see babies here.  I know it can be difficult with you want something so bad, but seeing those babies gave me a little (tangible) hope that this place is successful.

We were finally seen about 4 pm.
I had a physical complete with breast exam.  I don’t know why but this was totally awkward, probably because 1. I’ve never had a male doctor before and 2. I’ve never had Hubby go to ALL the Dr apts.  I wasn’t quite sure where to look, the ceiling seemed the safest.

Everything looks good.  He drew 4 marks on me, 1 in the belly button and 3 along my pelvic bone.  
We talked about blood loss (less than a table spoon) and how we refuse blood transfusions’.  It was a relief that he was familiar with Jehovah’s Witnesses and he said he practices all his surgeries bloodless.
He’s going to take pictures before and after, that’s a new one for a creepy scrapbook.  He plans to drain my tube, clip it and pull it out.  Worst case scenario would be that it’s attached to my bladder, intestines or another organ.  In that case he will detach it from the uterus and leave it in to not risk nicking anything else.  He won’t know until he’s in there but he feels very optimistic.  

Another contributing factor to this ongoing saga is male infertility.  Yea, that’s a thing.  Dr. Potter said we hit the infertility jackpot marrying each other.   So now we are 100% on track for IVF.
Hoping everything goes right, good healing and all to start a cycle in January.

Got a blood draw to check my thyroid levels and was given instructions for surgery day.

While we were checking out I asked my nurse about the green blankets.  She said once couples make it to the 10 week mark of pregnancy they have a little graduation, getting a blanket and are turned over to obstetrics.   I then told her about Sour Puss, come on lady you got a blanket, Smile!

I felt like the lady on Napoleon Dynamite that is giddy over Tupperware whispering “I want that”

I will get my green blanket.  Heck, I’ll take two.

Unexpected Results - Hydrosalpinx

This is what happens when your appointment is at 1:45 and you don't get seen until 3pm.

My feet were freezing! I left my socks in the car and thought for sure the second I sent Hubby to get them that the Dr would come in.  Should have got the socks!

He got a hot coffee, while I could not have fluid for 4 hrs.  This is the "do not instagram me" face.

The sonohysterogram was not as bad as the HSG. It was pretty awkward, I had to maneuver myself to sit on a trash bag!  This procedure also required a cath to insert saline in my uterus during a ultrasound to get a better look at the walls and make sure everything was in the right place.  I'm not gonna lie, the cath hurt, fell out and hurt again.  The saline felt cold and there was cramping but I survived.  When everything was done we looked at the images and he said everything looked good.

My ovaries are good, I have a great supply of eggs (apparently the chart I posted meant 14 total not per side) 20 plus follicles.  They are small but with stimulating drugs we should get some good ones.

He also said my hormones are in the right place so the metformin is working (yea!) my TSH is in the normal range at a 3 but under 2 is preferable for pregnancy so he's put me on thyroid meds to bring it down.

Then he talked about my HSG results.

This is what I have:

A hydrosalpinx is a blocked fallopian tube filled with clear fluid due to injury or infection.
The inflammation and healing process resulting from such infection destroys the delicate finger-like fimbria, which extend from the end of the fallopian tube to the ovary. When injured, fimbria become fused together, thus closing off the tubes. Fluid then collects in the fallopian tubes, making it impossible for them to function.
The blocked tube may become substantially distended giving the tube a characteristic sausage-like or retort-like shape. The condition usually affects both fallopian tubes, (even when only one tube is affected, there is usually some residual damage to the other).

He drew the tube while explaining all this to us and it looked exactly like my X-ray.
Apparently somewhere in the past 10 years I had a infection that inflamed my uterus. He could not tell me what exactly caused it and that sometimes it's asymptomatic.  My suspicion is this has to do with a burst cyst or something related to PCOS. 

He went on to tell me that he believes the fluid in the right side is now damaging the left side (accounting for the partial blockage) and that the tube will have to come out.  The fluid is toxic and will kill any embryos and continue to damage the left side.  So I have surgery set for December 2.  He will try to repair the left side when he removes the right.  If its beyond repair the left will come out too.

Laparoscopy. This is a surgical procedure using a laparoscope -- a thin, lighted instrument fitted with a tiny viewing camera. The laparoscope is inserted into the pelvic area via a tiny incision in the belly button, enabling the surgeon to directly see the fallopian tubes on a screen.

I'm a little freaked out about this, I've never been in the hospital, never broken a bone, never had stitches. It's been a week and I'm still wrapping my brain around all these pieces. 

In the Background

So my last few posts may have looked “zippity do da” like we’re just buzzin’ through life with fun filled weekends; which is partly true but there has definitely been activity in the background.

Back in Feb I posted about my fasting glucose test and all the other required tests to get a proper plan in place.  The result of that glucose test was a prescription to get back on Metformin 750 mg 3 times a day and switch over to the Paleo diet.   I never actually made it up to 750, I’ve been maintaining 500mg x 3.  I’ve been doing OK on Paleo, until about 2 weeks ago.  I literally thought I was going to vomit if I had to eat one more premade meal with caulirice.  So we put that delivery service on hold for this month and I’m cooking.

August 26 I officially changed from contract to permanent employee which means we have insurance!   They automatically sign everyone up for Kaiser, which I have nothing against but I like my own doctors and I hate having to go through the endless paper approval process.  So we switched over to Blueshield 90/10 plan, the most expensive (560 per month) but the least in deductible and included infertility coverage.

When I took this job the idea was to work 3 12 hr days a week.  That should have allotted me the time to go to the dr. Well HR wouldn’t approve that, the most they would agree to was a 4/10 schedule.   After a lot of back and forth and being completely burnt out I got assigned a normal 5/8 schedule.  I now work from 6-2:30.


Sept 25 I saw my regular Dr to have my yearly physical done and get all my stats updated.  My blood pressure was abnormally high, it was attributed to work stress.  

Oct 1 Went to get the remainder of my blood work done.  Was gone from work 2 hrs, there was a miscommunication on how I could break out my time, which turned in to a discussion with my supervisors on what I’m perusing and how much time I can take.
Basically they want me to make all my appointments after I’m off for the day, they are willing to let me take a hour lunch and stay until 3 pm to get my lab work done.   We have to meet again in 3 months.

Oct 7 Nurse called with lab results, said everything looked good except I was very low on vitamin D and needed good cholesterol.   Recommended 2000IU Vitamin D and flax seed oil.  Later that night I was curious about my BP and had hubby take it.  156/110, scary high.

Oct 8 Called Nurse back told her about BP, she insisted I see the dr right away.  Go to dr get prescribed BP meds and asked to take log of readings for 2 months.  Attending dr see’s we are trying to get pregnant in chart and thankfully prescribes a med that I can stay on through a pregnancy.

Oct 9 Go back and forth with our lousy PA Janet on lab results and missing tests.  Apparently she forgot to order 2 blood tests on top of needing my LH and FSH levels.  I had to have a baseline ultrasound done between cycle day 1-4 and she insisted it be done at their office between 7-9 am. And then there was the Sonohysterogram that needed to be scheduled before day 12.  Can you believe she told me "just send me a email on cycle day 1 and I’ll get all this scheduled for you?"
I call the dr’s office and ask to speak to anyone BUT Janet, thank goodness I did.  Ended up talking to a very nice lady named Lisette.  She explained that I could get my labs done at Quest or at any HRC office as long as they were same day results and that I can also get my ultrasounds done at any HRC office.  She helped me move my baseline to a 4pm apt in Newport and confirmed my sono with Dr Potter on 10/24, which Janet never scheduled!

Oct 15 Cycle day 1.  Email Janet (useless)

Oct 16 Cycle day 2, go to Newport for the most awkward ultrasound of my life.   I’ve done the internal deal before but never bleeding!  Who signs up for this job?  Gross.  It only lasted about 10 minutes.  He took pictures and basically said 10 words.  

“Healthy lining for day 2.  10 Follicles on each side, small. Ovaries consistent with PCOS.”
I wasn’t really sure what all that meant, this is what Dr. Google found.

This whole time I thought the cysts were on the outside of the ovary, not around the eggs. So then naturally I wanted to know how many follicles was normal.

So I guess I'm lower than average?

I also ran into Janet on my way out, who forgot to tell me to schedule an HSG (hysterosalpingogram) between day 6-10.  Do you see a pattern of forgetfulness here?

At check out; $323 for one ultrasound, 4 labs and 1 copay.  This is at 50% cost according to my plan, I double checked.   Dr. Potter wasn’t going to be able to meet up for a complete follow up until Nov 13. So the soonest we can start a cycle will be Nov 15.

Oct 17 Called our insurance to find a hospital with a radiology department in plan.  I still cannot believe I had to schedule this on my own.

Oct 21 Cycle day 7 Went to Whittier Community Hospital for HSG.  If you are squeamish stop reading here.

“During a hysterosalpingogram, a dye (contrast material) is put through a thin tube that is put through the vagina lady business and into the uterus. Because the uterus and the fallopian tubes are hooked together, the dye will flow into the fallopian tubes. Pictures are taken using a steady beam of X-ray (fluoroscopy) as the dye passes through the uterus and fallopian tubes. The pictures can show problems such as an injury or abnormal structure of the uterus or fallopian tubes, or a blockage that would prevent an egg moving through a fallopian tube to the uterus.” – WEBMD

This had to be the most utterly horrifying experience in my life.   My nurse was really nice and sympathetic.  She showed me all the tools and explained the procedure. The Dr was the exact opposite.  I had to lay on a table similar to what you would for a pap accept completely flat on my back and totally exposed.   

He had to clean the “area” with iodine, then the speculum (which was not smooth or gentle), then he fed in the catheter which felt like a jab and then pressure and then extreme pain which made me yelp and nearly push off the table.   He said he made the balloon to big and had to start over.   I wanted to grab something.  My first instinct was to grab onto the thing nearest, which was the xray machine, so that was a no.  I couldn’t grab the table either.  I ended up balling my fists and covering my eyes and breathing.  The pain was so extreme when he put in the contrast, burning and pressure and cramping. I thought I might faint or vomit.   Just a few more minutes. More dye, more pain, more breathing. Then he stopped to look at the screen.  I could barely look at the screen myself.  “Right side completely blocked.  Left side blocked, no wait, dye is showing slowly.  A partial blockage.”   

(This is not my film, but mine looked very similar)

Then he leaves the room.  Nurse says all done and I say are you sure?  She says yes again.  And I say it still hurts, I feel pressure, are you sure he got everything out?  She says yes and that I will have cramping because there was some bleeding.  And I say No, there is pressure.  She tries to help me up. At this point I reach around all the draping and PULL out the speculum.  He left it in!!  I knew I didn’t hear the clicks of it being released.   The nurse looked totally humiliated and kept apologizing. She took the tool and we looked at the stand together as she recounted all the tools.  There was blood on most of it.  She helped lower the table so I could get off, my legs were quivering and there was a rush – the dye and whatever else coming out.  She gave me a towel and helped me walk to the bathroom.  I don’t know if I wanted to sob because of the pain or because of the results, but I had to hold it together long enough to get my films and get the heck out of there.  
I text hubby on the way out to go pick up my scrip for antibiotics and guess who forgot to call them in?

When I got home I soaked in the tub for about a hour. It was therapeutic, kind of like I was washing off what just happened.    There was lots of cramping and spotting for the rest of the night and following day.

Oct 24 Tomorrow my Sonohysterogram is scheduled and I’m totally freaked out about it.  It’s a similar procedure with the cath and inserting saline.  This time hubby can go with me.   I’ll update this post either Friday or Monday.

Lab Worked Over

So Fridays lab work didn't turn out quite like I thought. I actually didn't have any blood drawn at all, this is why:

The PA that issued my lab orders failed to tell me my fasting glucose test was going to take 3 hours and that I needed to have a high carb diet for 3 days prior to the draw. (Yea I had a salad for dinner)

Seeing I had to go back to work I asked what else I could get out of the way so the trip wouldn't be a waste. Here's where it got hairy, the remaining hormone and infectious disease tests came up to $900 and they wanted payment up front. Turns out that Quest only takes payments for people who have been approved for financial aid.

I got a little angry at this point and wanted to see what the cost per test was. I also questioned why I had to do these infectious disease test anyway, I was basically told the state mandates it because they don't want any more children being born with HIV or Hepatitis. I both understand this and think its ridiculous, what about all the infected people who get pregnant every day? Can't control that. So the standard HIV test is $40 and then there's a secondary test that tells you what type you have for $400. This is what mad me really angry, I KNOW I have no STDs why on earth would I pay for this extra test??

I basically sat for a hour arguing with the lab on what I would and would not be paying for especially since it had to be up front. I finally got the cost down to $300 and wouldn't you know it my credit card got declined. I totally forgot we used it to buy hubby's flight to Canada.

Totally embarrassed I picked up a form for financial aid and cried the ugly cry in the parking lot.

The PA called and we worked out how to stagger the tests then I pulled myself together in time to walk into my office.

Now I'm back at the lab on Monday morning. I had my first draw done and drank the limeaid sugar water. Toward the end I wanted to gag. I have 2 more draws today, 4 tubes each. Can't. Wait.

Hi Ho Paleo

I decided to dive into the world of paleo eating.

 

A week or so ago I got on the topic of diet with a co worker and ending up telling her that my Dr had recommended going paleo. Excitedly she told me she'd been doing the diet for a few months and loved it. After talking about all our ailments, struggles and benefits of eating paleo she sent me a email full of blogs to follow and let me borrow her book.

Last night I cooked the last bag of pasta in my house. I've slowly been riding my house of carbs and grains as I'm reading the paleo diet book. Principles seem simple enough, no processed foods, dairy, carbs and sugars. If it comes from the earth/doesn't have a label it's A OK to eat baring a few things like legumes and starchy potatoes.

I have to do a little more research on sweet potatoes, starchy and yet a super food. I'm also not ready to give up my hummus! My absolute favorite snack with veggies. Ms. co worker said she had a paleo friendly hummus recipe; I'm leery but I'll give it a try before I knock it.

There's also the little matter of doing a 21 day sugar detox. While I totally see the benefit in this, I think I may just go bonkers giving up carbs, dairy and sugar in one shot. So hubby and I decided to cut the carbs first then move on to dairy and sugar. Also being in the middle of moving this is the best I can do.

After long debate on what to do about getting my blood tests done I decided to bite the bullet and go through with it, I scheduled a apt to be drained on Friday.  Quest Diagnostics will allow us to make payments...because by my count the lab request looks like 12 x $70.   When the results are in I'll be able to start a new prescription of metformin along with the paleo diet and see how my body likes it.  Apparently on this new dose if I even smell a carb I'll get really ill, hoping that will work as a nice deterrent.

From there, when we're ready we'll start booking the ultra sounds/xrays (somewhere around April/May) are really get this pony show on the road!

Counting down the days till we move, starting to pack this weekend and meeting with the painters tomorrow.

What's up Doc?

Here's the big update

The office was nice, intimate and private.
The first thing we were handed was our "hope" workbook and Dr. Potter's book "what to do when you can't get pregnant" I'm not sure if the title was some sick twist on what to expect when your expecting?  But I took it with stride and chose a seat thinking I cant believe I'm in this place.

We sat in the waiting room about 15 minutes. Long enough for hubby to fiddle with the high tech coffee maker and for me to flip through the book. To be honest I haven't even looked through our work book yet because I'm still in "sticker shock" but I'll get to that later.

Earlier in the day I stumbled on to Yelp reviews of the facility and the Dr I was about to see. I thought Yelp was only for food! There was some good bad and ugly, but for the most part I felt it made be better prepared. I chalk up the reviews to some people need to be coddled and sugar coated while others like myself want the more direct approach.

Dr Potter was the perfect amount of straight forward while still maintaining sensitivity.  He started out by asking for my medical history in my own words.  Of course in my own sarcastic way to defuse awkwardness I answered "I like sunsets and walks on the beach".  I got the desired chuckle and proceeded to run down my issues in 3 minutes or less.  He listened as he flipped through my records and made notes.  To my relief he told me that my old Dr Wood was on the right path by prescribing the metformin, that most Dr's are not comfortable dealing with my problem because they just didn't know enough about it.   I was really bummed out when Dr Wood retired and I got passed on to Dr Garcia.  I felt like Dr Garcia didn't really care to work with me, especially when I asked if my met could be increased and she looked at me like I was crazy.  And now Dr Potter is telling me that not only should it be increased, I need to be taking 3 times the amount.  He also shed some light on insulin resistance and how some cultures are more genetically predisposed to it.  He told me that I need to be on the Paleolithic diet, like a hunter/gatherer eating small animals (his words), green veggies, nuts and berries.  He also brought up that people didn't hoard the food they found all day till 5pm and sit down to a big feast, they ate as the went.  Eating wasn't easy, it was out of necessity.  He said if I worked really hard at this new diet, increased my exercise with my new meds the weight should fall off more easily.   I found this all very interesting.  He was so exuberant about it.

We talked a little more about our concerns.  And here is the bottom line. 
Can he get us pregnant?
Yes, he believes with in 3 IUI treatments we can have success.

Does he recommend IUI over IVF?
We won't be able to tell our direct path until we get all the blood work and tests back.  If its as simple as I just don't ovulate with no added issues IUI is definitely the way to go.  But if we find there's stacked issues we wont waste time and go straight to IVF.  Time will tell.

Do I have to drop 100 lbs before we start?
No, while I do have to lose some its not as drastic as I thought.  We can start as early as the next 2 months.  I need to get off my current meds so he can test my hormone levels and check out my liver before I start the new scrip.

He was very nice, I didn't feel like the brush off and no question was stupid.  It was really nice that he was familiar with everything I asked about and had a logical answer to everything.  So after the run down he wrote out all the details of what he wanted tested and when, then we got to sit with his assistant.  She gave us all the test prices and here is where the sticker shock comes in.

Tests include but are not limited to:
Ultrasound to check if my tubes are open  $243
Sonohysterogram (say that 5 times fast) to check my uterus and egg count $500
Mock Transfer (I don't know what this is) $145
Hormone Tests 5X $63
And now the state of CA is requiring infectious decease screening for $200 X2 for me and Hubs.
And then we have to get the guys counted for $220

Anybody have a calculator?  That's about $1900 out of pocket if I can't get insurance to pay for it. (remember I still have to choose a new insurance too)

And it's all so time sensitive, each thing happens on a specific cycle day.  The nurse was kind of pushing that we start in Feb.  But its just to soon.  It's so much to wrap my brain around, I've waited this long 2 more months are not going to kill me.

In the mean time its fun to go to restaurants and order "large animals with a side of carbs"

Lean Mean 2013

So I didn't quite make the 13lb benchmark by January.  I missed the last 3 weigh ins.  According to my scale I was up and down over the 3 weeks; when I went for my official weigh in yesterday I was down .2 lbs.  At least its not a gain and I can still maintain my all loss book.  I've been on "break" making brownies and Mexican food (Why not go for bust since I wasn't counting anyway) but now its time to get back on the horse.

I've kept my promise to myself and I joined the community center gym.  I also went ahead and purchased Active Link to track my soon to be activity points.  I'm still trying to figure out how to use it but I'm excited about the tool and hoping it will give me more incentive.

My team leader was nice in saying "don't worry about the past, that's last years weight." 
Very true, I'm ready for the boost.  I'd love to say I'm going to lose 2 lbs a week and be at my goal for next year but realistically I'm going to put it out there to shoot for a 1lb a week knowing there will be ups and downs.  That will put me at a hopeful loss of 50 lbs!

So here's some other goings on for start of 2013.
As mentioned before we are moving!  In 5 weeks and counting...Officially February 16.  This has caused me some major stress in the past month but now things are settling down.  Hubby officially got a new job.  As of today his start date is January 21, but he's trying to get it bumped up to the 14th.  Seeing they want him on a conference call that day, I think it's fair the payroll clock starts then.  He'll be flying to Canada on the 21st and then to Atlanta to meet his new counter part on the 31st.

There was a lot of back and forth on the flight schedule but I'm happy to say He'll be able to go to the first fertility apt we have scheduled for January 24. 

Now I've read the starter packet back and forth and still have no clue what we're going to discuss in that first appointment.  But what I did find out is that we have to meet with a financial planner before we start any kind of treatment plan.  I thought this was kind of funny because don't you need to know what your planning to do before you know how much its going to cost?

The house we are moving into, I believe was built in the 70's.  Now my parents did some remodeling during the 20 years we lived there, but in the past 8 years the place has been screaming for a face lift.  At bare minimum we need to paint and carpet the place.  Gold, green and burgundy just AREN'T my colors!  There is also a leak in the master bath the feeds into a wall that will need to be taken care of ASAP so I've spent WAY more time in hardware stores than I'd ever imagine.  Why do I bring all this up?  A dirty little word called Finance, it's looming over my head. We don't have the up front cash to fix the house and I refuse to borrow it from the bank of Mom, so we'll have to finance that on top of what I'd already figured we'd have to finance for the medical stuff.

Yes there are a lot of goings on in my head.  On the funner side,  I have my annual scrapper bowl coming up February 9 and I'm hosting book club in March.  I've also added a knitting circle to my craft menagerie.  Sprinkle in a few photo shoots and we've got a full spring line up.

I just want to say I appreciate all my "cheer-readers" out there.  It mean's alot that you keep up with my silly stories and keep me encouraged to keep on my way.

Reprieve

Well I dragged my rear to the WW meeting today even though I didn't want to.  Turns out they were closed!  Probably due to the fact that I go to a meeting in a community center not a actual facility.  So this week I get a reprieve.  I think I needed it anyway.  I weighed myself this morning and thankfully I've lost the pound I gained due to grilled cheese bliss.  So I'll be adding that to my online tracker and we'll just call the past 2 weeks a wash *wink*

I've been seriously considering switching to a Friday meeting.  For me its easier to behave during the week because I only eat what I pack for work and my dinners are really planned out.  It's the weekend where...

Since the world did not end on Friday we decided to keep our Saturday plans and go to a friend's house warming.  I lived up the weeekend.  I did not pass up fresh baked norweigen bread, potatos and glass of wine....didnt take pictures, sorry my hands were full!  Sunday we had a nice breakfast while watching love it or list it my new fav home show followed by a AMAZING kabob lunch in Brea.  I dont know what to chalk it up to, life, stress eating, or just down right rebellion but I need to turn this ship around or I'm not going to make my January goal.  I have 4 more lbs to go to meet my 5% loss.

You might be wondering why would I be stress eating now?  We are still waiting to hear back about the job offer from Canada.  It all seems good, they've even given a start date but there's been no $$ given.  Normally I wouldn't stress about Hubby getting a job because he has a job currently.  Well you know how I had previously mentioned big changes are coming...this might be closest to the biggest one of all.  We are moving into my child hood home, most likely at the end of February.  The mortgage is a horse pill to swollow.  We can make it with our finances now but the new job would make things a whole lot smoother.

Also I sold alot of our stuff when we moved last year which means I need to re purchase things like a kitchen table and laundry machines.  Its going to be so funny having a house with no furniture.  I'm sure I'll post pictures as we go.

Right now I'm looking forward to tomorrow, an extra day off, we're finally going to sit down and read/fill out all the Dr's paper work and move along with that process.  Our apt is exactly a month away.

B is for Book Club and Babies

So there's no weigh in up date this week.  I was unable to make my meeting because I had a work meeting run late.  I'm sure this is a blessing as I DOVE off the wagon last weekend and I'm sure I gained.  I just got a little free pass till next week to make it up.   Instead I'll be sharing about book club.

I read the book "the Lost wife" based in Prague during WW2.  This is my favorite excerpt from the book with out spoiling the story.  It has special meaning to me from my own experiences, things in my past that I'm not willing or ready to blog about.

When I got to the host home it quickly became apparent that we would do more stuffing of faces than talking about the book!  There was an amazing spread of desserts and wine along with gourmet grilled cheese and soups.  What could possibly make grilled cheese gourmet you might ask?  I'll tell you. It starts with raisin nut bread lathered in butter stuffed with brie, prosciutto, apple, fig spread and arugula.  Take that Ham and Cheese!  There was also the option of brie and chocolate; and Yes, it was delicious.  I tried to be good, honest I did.  I started with half a sandwich and salad. It was just TO good.  So I had another quarter of the sandwich.  I did however avoid the desert table because I'm pretty sure I already ate my weight in points.

I had really been wanting to join this book club for a while, but the entrance challange was a spelling bee.  Don't get me wrong, I can spell with the best of them.  I "words with friends" and "scrabble".  But to do it in front of people, NO thanks.  For some reason I was able to attend with out having to face the challenge so I gladly jumped on board.  I figured I'd know a couple people based on the evite list.  These are people I havent seen in 10 plus years.  At first I felt kind of "high school reunion" about it, but then was pleasantly surprised to see I'm not the only one a little more round in the face.  Then the next wave of realization hit.

Babies. Babies everywhere. There were 3 gooey tots to drool over.  Like this little guy, Wyatt.

There were 12 women there including myself, I started counting and realized that there were only 3 other people there with out children. 1/4 of attendees.  I wondered how they were feeling, do they not have kids by choice?  Or are they in a similar boat as me?  I'm guessing probably 50/50.

This is Sawyer, the little bean I'm making the book for you saw in my last post.  He helped keep me distracted from over thinking and over eating lol.  For some reason the reverse lens on my iphone started taking grainy pictures??

I won a game, answering the most correct questions about the book, and got this cute book tote....and in the end I signed up to have the next book club at my house in March.  The book I've chosen is one of my old fav's The Glass Lake by Mauve Binchey.

Hobbies and Jalepano's

I don't have anything super wonderful to report, but I feel like writing so it's time for show and tell.

Since its been cold and raining, the general feeling is to be inside nice and cozy.  So here are a few of my current projects. 

I started a mini book that I had intended to give as a baby shower gift.  That didn't happen and now the baby's heading into 4 months lol.  But I had all the stuff and so I decided to go ahead and finish it, the up side is I can now add pictures instead of giving it to my friend blank!

Next on my list of cozy projects is knitting.  One day while walking through Michael's I noticed this scrumptious sample of yarn, Loops & Threads Bunny Tail (pom pom).  I had to have it.  It looked really hard to work with, so I did my research and found some patterns to use.  Last November one of my besties and fellow knitter came over and we watched multiple you tube videos to figure out how to cast on these little monsters.   Once we got it down the rest was easy peasy.  The trick is you knit one stitch between the balls. The funny story about this blanket is that it called for 70 stitches.  I decided I wanted it a little bigger so I cast on 80 stitches.  Then I had my sister look at it and she said might as well make it a even hundred.  Well NOW the blanket is about 6 feet in length.  What started to be a lap blanket will now be a couch blanket for me and my hunny.   Since I usually scrap during the summer (and we've had a unseasonably warm winter) this project got pushed in the closet and was recently resurrected.  I'll be sure to post a picture when its done.  At the rate I'm knitting should be some time in January.

Last but not least I joined a book club.  This past month I read "The Lost Wife".  It was REALLY good so much I wish I had more book to read.  Tonight is the first meeting I'll be attending and the dinner theme is Gourmet Grilled Cheese, Soups and Champagne.   I'm in trouble lol.  I made jalapeno poppers pictured below.  Not too bad, I used the reduced fat crescent roll dough and re cut the sheet into 32 squares.  With a tsp of cream cheese and some chopped jale's, they come out to 1 point each.   I also made some with mini chocolate chips and brown sugar, also 1 point each.

Down side, I had a off site meeting for work today and they provided lunch.  The lunch in itself wasn't bad, 7 pts.  But I was STARVING and ended up eating the 12 point cookie that came in the lunch box.  I'm contemplating taking my own dinner to book club tonight so I don't totally botch this week.  We'll see what the scale says on Monday!

Secret Society Language - Abbreviations

Unless your interested in Infertility you could probably skip this post...

I've just been noticing that in all these blogs I've been reading there are alot of abbreviations.  Its like their own secret society language.  I'm constantly googling to find out what they are talking about.  So I actually found a nice little list in yahoo answers.  Some of them were ridiculous or creepy so I edited the list to fit my needs/things I may abbreviate.  Hope you find this helpful.

2WW = 2-Week Wait

AO = Anovulation

BBT = Basal Body Temperature
BCP = Birth Control Pills
BFN = Big Fat Negative
BFP = Big Fat Positive
BW, b/w = Bloodwork

C# = Cycle Number
CCT = Clomiphene Citrate Challenge Test (Clomid Challenge Test)
CD = Cycle Day
COH = Controlled Ovarian Hyperstimulation

DPO = Days Post-Ovulation
DPR = Days Post-Retrieval
DPT = Days Post-Transfer
Dx = Diagnosis

EPT = Early Pregnancy Test
ET = Embryo Transfer

FBG = Fasting Blood Glucose
FI = Fasting Insulin
FHR = Fetal Heart Rate
FP = Follicular Phase
FSH = Follicle Stimulating Hormone

GD = Gestational Diabetes
GnRH = Gonadotropin Releasing Hormone
GP = General Practitioner
GTT = Glucose Tolerance Test

hCG, HCG = Human Chorionic Gonadotropin
HPT = Home Pregnancy Test
HRT = Hormone Replacement TherapyIF = Infertility
IGTT = Insulin and Glucose Tolerance Test
IOR = Immature Oocyte Retrieval
IR = Insulin Resistant
ITI = Intra-tubal Insemination
IUI = Intra-uterine Insemination
IVF = In Vitro Fertilization

LAP = Laparoscopy
LH = Luteinizing Hormone
LMP = Last Menstrual Period (start date)
LP = Luteal Phase
LSP = Low Sperm Count
LUF, LUFS = Luteinized Unruptured Follicle Syndrome

MC, m/c, misc. = Miscarriage

NORIF = Non-stimulated Oocyte Retrieval In (office) Fertilization
NP = Nurse Practitioner
NSA = Non-surgical Sperm Aspiration

O, OV = Ovulation
OB = Obstetrician
OD = Ovulatory Dysfunction
OHSS = Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome
OPK = Ovulation Predictor Kit
OPT = Ovulation Predictor Test
OTC = Over The Counter

P4 = Progesterone
PA = Physician's Assistant
PCOD = Polycystic Ovary Disease
PCOS = Polycystic Ovary Syndrome
PCP = Primary Care Physician
PG = Pregnant
PGD = Pre-implantation Genetic Diagnosis
PIO = Progesterone in Oil
PNM = Perinatal Mortality
POC = Products of Conception
POF = Premature Ovarian Failure
PROM = Premature Rupture of Membranes

RE = Reproductive Endocrinologist
R-FSH, R-hFSH = Recombinant Human Follicle Stimulating Hormone
RPL = Recurrent Pregnancy Loss
Rx = Prescription

SA = Semen Analysis
SCORIF = Stimulated Cycle Oocyte Retrieval In (office) Fertilization

TTC = Trying to Conceive
Tx = Treatment

US, u/s = Ultrasound

WNL = Within Normal Limits

Live a Little

Happy Monday Ya'll

I bet your wondering what the big loss was this week... a whopping 0.4!!  Whoo hooo!!

I'm just going to say I have no regrets from this last week.  Every morsel I ate was worth it, I did the best I could to track and hey at least I didn't gain!  So I'm still on track for my book of losses.  Since I was given a new book to go with the new program I am now trying to accomplish 20 losses instead of the original 16.

I can't say exactly where I went wrong last week, I just know that I was tired. 
Wednesday we went out to dinner and had sushi.  The sauces are just too oooey gooey delicious.
Thursday they had a appreciation lunch for us at work, no idea what they put in those potato's *wink*
Friday while I was at Costco picking up my photos I tripped and fell into a very berry sundae.
Saturday I went to a scrapbook crop, I had a salad for dinner but it came with garlic bread! and a cake pop for dessert.
Sunday we spontaneously had friends over for dinner.  Hubby did the cooking and it was fabulous steak with brandy cream sauce...along with my glass of wine and chocolate cheese cake to top it off.

Can you hear my buttons popping?

So no, it was not a surprise that I didn't lose as much as I "could" have, but some weeks you have to LIVE and that's what this program is about.  This week I'll get back on track, need a bigger loss this week.  I'm shooting to be down 15 lbs by Jan 1 and I have 5 lbs 10 oz to go.

We also got our paper work from the fertility dr on Friday.  It was SO much paper work to go through.  I basically skimmed it over long enough to see that they don't agree with herbal remedies.  I'm not sure what I'm going to do, if I should keep on my herbs for the next month until I go?  Or stop them now?  I'll have to read the whole packet and make some phone calls.

Hubby has a interview on Thursday, it's in Canada!  The job will be based on the west coast though.  This is the final interview so I'm hoping he comes home with good news.

Big changes ahead....stay tuned.

Drop of Sunshine on a Rainy day.

An update to my earlier post....

It's still raining and now my pant bottoms and shoes are soaking wet.  Im sitting at my desk bare foot and waiting for some work to get approved....

I hadn't heard back from HRC about getting a appointment scheduled so I decided to call.   Originally I really wanted to see Dr. Fredrick because 1. I wanted a lady Dr. 2. she's written alot of articles about PCOS.  Unfortunately she's based out of Newport Beach and thats just to much of a hike for us. 
So I decided to go with the Fullerton office.  It's closer to home and even though the Dr is a man, he looks normal hahaha.  I think too that having a male will be easier when it comes to getting hubby to open up about his own issues.

The lady was super nice.  She said that since we have Kaiser our consultation would be free!  And the follow up ultrasounds will be 10% off.  OH HAPPY DAY!

So it's done, I've booked our first fertility consultation for January 24, 2013.

Crab Apple

And I was doing SO well yesterday until I got home...

I guess I should preface this with the fact that I live in an apartment that is attached to my parents home. 

So I get home from work and I'm enjoying the blissful silence of my home when I hear my mom talking through my window asking what I was up to and if she could come over...  UHHH I guess so?

It seems that when Hubby is out of town it is my mom's duty to keep me company.   Well that turned into binging on some brownies and pulling out a bottle of wine.  Stress eat much?

Its not her fault.  I just wasn't in the mood to talk about my screw up brother...after he came home at 2 am and woke the neighbor hood with Coco's (my dog) incessant barking.  No I'm not bitter or sleep deprived.

I counted my loss of points...10 over my allotment.  thank goodness for those floater points.

Unfortunately the same 2 am appearance happened last night so it sent me into a tail spin of bad mood today. 
At work there is a man that sits behind me, I don't know if he's Persian or Israeli, but he always offers up food from his home land.  I've done my best to avoid him but today I felt like I was utterly insulting him by not accepting his candy.  It was just a bite.  A bite of DOOM.  When he went to lunch I got the box off his desk and whipped out my point calculator.  A whopping 5 points! All these grapes and cucumbers and I waste 5 points on that? 

So then the other thing that's bummed me out today is that out of curiosity I googled my blog name to see what would come up.  I came up with someone with the same blog name in England, cool right?  She's actually a really good writer and really funny.  The bummer part she's had a terrible time with fertility and 4 failed IVF's.  From her blog I found other blogs with sad story's.  I really just wanted to stay in my hopeful bubble. 

I'm sorry about my funk...I hope to have better sleep tonight.  Other wise someones going to die.

Starting off November with a Bang

Today is weigh in day....my first of many to come.

"Drum roll please"  This week I lost 3 lbs! 

I have to say I'm a little elated because I did exactly what I was told not to do, weigh myself.  Not only that but I did it like every day.  And my scale only showed a 1.5 loss. As my WW leader says the only scale that matters is this one. So I'm going to stop weighing and just be surprised on Mondays.

Tricks I love this week:
1. Greek yogurt, tastes good high protein low points.  My friend showed me how to make tzakiki too.  Amazing.

2. Hummus and Cucumber, delish crunchy snack.

3. Using flavored olive oil in tuna instead of mayo.  It was SO good, I used a tsp of basil flavored EVOO in my tuna with onion, pickles, celery and a little mustard.  I stuffed 2 sandwich flats and had a totally satisfying lunch.

I also bought a pomegranate, my mom showed me how to knock out all the little gems.  I juiced them and added some to my green smoothie this morning.  SUPER sweet.

This morning I found out that one of my long time dearest friends is ALSO doing WW.  She just joined the week before me and I'm so excited that we can encourage one another.

My 5% goal is 13 lbs. I'm really hoping to be down 20 lbs by January. The community center that my ww meeting is at has a small gym.  I used to go about a year ago and I really like it.  I dont feel overwhelmed by the equipment and I love the classes they offer.  Anyhoo...they are offering 50% off the monthly membership in Janurary so it will be $14 instead of 28.  This is going to be my treat for acheiving my first goal so I can keep the momentum going.

After reading the PCOS blog, getting a big eye opener on the process and a little more research, I've determined that IUI is going to be the best course for us.  This also ties into my January goal.  I made a deal with Hubby to follow through with the consultation at the HRC (Huntington Reproductive Center) so they can give me a current status on my ovaries and do a work up on him too.  Its time to jump in.  Next year I'm determined to be a Mother.

Hubby is out of town this week for work.  I got the cleaning bug yesterday and purged his dresser and closet.  Got a nice little donation pile for the good will.  I also ironed the big pile of dress shirts I've been avoiding for about a month.  Now I actually know what he has and needs.  I'm hoping to give the bathroom a good scrub tonight and dust.  Then I'll have a chore free house for the rest of the week which means I will have time to scrapbook! guilt free.

I have a baby shower invite job to get crackin on too.  I have till the end of November to pump out 75. Woo..

One, Two, Three...

Ok so since my last "poor me" post I've actually accomplished somethings...

One...on Monday I officially joined weight watchers and went to my first meeting.  Thankfully my scale and theirs is the same so the number wasn't shocking...I was pre-shocked at home lol.  I love the new point system, it totally makes sense that the values should be determined by how your body digests foods.  I got the app on my phone, super handy and easy to use.  I love the web site and I actually get excited to track my food.  I'm actually looking forward to getting weighed next Monday!

Wednesday I popped over to TJ Max and bought myself a new lunch bag.  It's my little way to go you did something good for yourself treat, that and Hubby lost my old one.

Two...I started taking my herbs.  I called to find out my dosing, some went up and some went down and one got dropped all together.  I started taking them Tuesday morning because I altogether forgot on Monday.  So far, I feel like crap and they are making me burp some weird clove/Cinnamon flavor,  I know that my stomach will need time to adjust. The last time I took them I felt great with in 2 weeks.  I have a follow up call on Nov 12 to see how things are going. 

Three...I decided to drop coffee.  Its bad for you, bad for me more so because I cant take the caffeine.  It really screws me over on top of my insomnia.  Plus its 5-7 points the way I like to drink it with cream and sugar.  My next big feat will be to drop the diet coke.  I had stopped it for a while and was drinking juice instead but now that's out because of the sugar....baby steps.

I started reading a blog about someone else's trials and accomplishments with PCOS.  I think its funny reading about how someone else has done all the things I'm doing including wasting time at work googling any and everything about fertility and blogging about it.  She's a real person, with the same real problem and real anxiety who has twin girls today.  It makes me feel good and inspired and not alone to read it.  I even emailed her today, we'll see if I get a response.

I'm still reading the beauty detox book.  Slowly but surely.  Good thing is that it follows the same principles as weight watchers so it will be easy to incorporate.

I've also started knitting again.  I'm working diligently on some baby scarves for my friends visit to NY this winter.  I'm very excited I just learned how to make a button hole.  My next you tube video will be on how to crochet chevron stripes!!

I feel good.

Something's gotta give

Its amazing the rejuvenating property's wine and the ocean can have...

Our trip was a success.  Husband did a really nice job in picking the hotel with a ocean view.  We joined 2 wine clubs in the attempt to become grown ups LOL. 

Nothing much has changed in this month.  I got my herbs but I haven't started taking them.  Boo on me.  I just called to find out what dose I'm supposed to take. They are sitting on my kitchen counter wagging a finger of shame at me.

I jumped on the scale this past weekend and heard it cry "Uncle".  I've gained another 10 lbs, bringing my grand total to a unmentionable number.  Its disheartening because its the main thing I have to do, LOSE weight. If TTC isnt enough to drive me what is? One of my really good friends just joined weight watchers and asked if I would go with her.  Ironically I got a email from work saying they offered a discount to join in a effort to promote healthy life styles.  I decided to give it a shot again.  I heard there was a new point plan and I'm not doing anything better so why not?   

I was channel surfing last night and stumbled across an episode of sex in the city.  It was the episode where Miranda is pregnant and is thinking of not having the baby and Charlotte finds out she has a 15% chance of getting pregnant because she has a hostile uterus.  Parts of it made me want to bawl like a baby.  I swallowed down my tears so my husband wouldn't look at me like a lunatic.  It made me think about going to the HRC for a consultation. I have all the paperwork but havent followed through with an appointment because of the cost.  The only doctor I've seen is my Gyn. so it might be a good call to get another opinion on how to move forward.  Who knows?  What if I have a hostile uterus on top of the PCOS? 

We have also talked about potentially seeing a dr in Mexico.  When Husband went to his dr to get checked out the dr refused to check his hormone/testosterone levels because of his age.  He basically said we've looked at to many things online and wouldnt look into it further.  I would never go to Mexico on my own.  We actually got a recomendation from a friend who offered to go with us.  I dont even speak spanish!  I guess more on that later.

Back in August I had bought this book the beauty detox solution.  I skipped around it a bunch, now that I've finished reading the hunger games trilogy I'm going to force myself to read it cover to cover.  From what I have read it makes sense how she recommends to eat.  I've been drinking the glowing green smoothie and its pretty good.  I even have husband drinking it. 

Somethings gotta give....I need to get back on track.